Coaching practices for My Kid is Mid Meltdown and I'm Kneeling There Explaining Why They Can't Have it Getting More Reasonable While They Get More Wild and None of My Logic is Landing I Need to Know What to Actually Do in That Exact Moment When Words Clearly Aren't Reaching Them
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My kid is mid-meltdown and I’m kneeling there explaining why they can’t have it, getting more reasonable while they get more wild, and none of my logic is landing
- I keep trying to reason with my kid right in the middle of the meltdown
- When my kid is melting down I feel trapped between two bad options
- The storm has finally passed and my kid is calm again, and I keep wanting to either just move on or fix the situation for them
- When my kid acts out I lose it
Practices that may help
- Connect emotionally before you redirect or teach
The downstairs brain has to be acknowledged before the upstairs brain can hear anything.
The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson) - Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Problem-solve together once the child is calm
After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
Emotion Coaching (John Gottman) - Refuse to energize negative behavior
Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser) - Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen) - Listen empathically and validate the feeling
Reflect the emotion you see accurately before you do anything else.
Emotion Coaching (John Gottman) - Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
Related concerns
- When Collaborative Problem Solving Proactive Plan B
Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
- How To Deal With My Childs Anger Issues
Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
- My Son 6 Is Being Hit At School And My Options Feel Exhausted
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
- When Collaborative Problem Solving Empathy In Crisis
Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
- Child Has Been Copying Aggressive Behavior Hitting Adults What Should I Do
Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
Refuse to energize negative behavior
- How Do I Handle Guilt After Yelling At My Child
All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
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