Coaching practices for How to Deal with My Child's Anger Issues

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • When my kid is melting down I feel trapped between two bad options
  • I keep trying to reason with my kid right in the middle of the meltdown
  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • When my kid is angry and lashing out I can’t tell where the line is
  • When my kid acts out I lose it

Practices that may help

  1. Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
    Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  2. Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
    Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  3. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  4. Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
    All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  5. Refuse to energize negative behavior
    Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  6. Treat the emotional moment as a teaching opportunity
    When your child is upset, slow down instead of speeding toward resolution.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  7. Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
    Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  8. Labeling emotions in children: the parenting application
    When a child is upset, name their emotion aloud and validate it before attempting to solve or redirect.
    Name It to Tame It: Affect Labeling in Practice
  9. Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
    Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  10. Problem-solve together once the child is calm
    After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)

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