Coaching practices for Who You Are vs What You Want
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Who You Are vs What You Want, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I tell myself I’m a generous, present, hardworking person, but when I actually look at how I spent this week, my behavior tells a different story
- I’m busy chasing things but half of them feel like what I’m supposed to want, not what I actually do
- I can’t tell which of my values are truly mine and which I just absorbed from my parents or my culture
- The role that told me who I was just ended
- I keep framing the thing I want as a chore I have to drag myself to do
Practices that may help
- Define yourself by actions, not intentions
You are not your intentions or your self-image — you are the accumulation of what you actually do.
Existentialism and Radical Choice - Values clarification
Name the directions you want your life to move in, distinct from goals you can check off.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Made Practical - Use the eulogy / future-self lens
Imagine how you’d want to be remembered to reveal the values you’d defend most.
Values Clarification, Made Practical - Anchor self-definition in values, not roles
Define yourself by what you stand for rather than by the roles you play — roles change; values endure.
Self-Concept Clarity, Made Practical - Frame desired behaviors as identities, not actions
Say "I am a runner" rather than "I run" to make the behavior feel like who you are, not just what you do.
Identity Priming, Made Practical - Using values questions to deepen a conversation
Ask "what matters most to you about this?" to surface values rather than surface preferences.
Values Card Sort - Decide whether you’re optimizing for experience or for memory
For major choices, explicitly ask: "Am I choosing for who will live this — or for who will remember it?"
The Peak-End Rule — How Memory Distorts Experience - Demand definitions before discussion
Before arguing or planning, force a precise definition of the key terms.
The Socratic Method, Made Practical - Connect the task to your identity to activate attainment value
Tasks that are relevant to who you are, not just what you want, have a distinct motivational source that is harder to deplete.
Expectancy-Value Theory: Why You Try (or Don’t) - Values clarification through lived evidence
Infer your actual values from your past behaviour, not from what you wish you valued.
Svadhyaya: Self-Study as a Daily Practice
Related concerns
- Values Clarification Exercise
Values clarification is the work of naming what matters most to you, sorting the genuine priorities from the inherited ones, and using them to guide real choices. The methods — card sorts, ranking, value-consistent action — draw heavily on values work in acceptance-and-commitment therapy (ACT), which has clinical support; living in line with your values correlates with wellbeing in observational research.
- Clarifying Values
Values clarification is the work of naming what matters most to you, sorting the genuine priorities from the inherited ones, and using them to guide real choices. The methods — card sorts, ranking, value-consistent action — draw heavily on values work in acceptance-and-commitment therapy (ACT), which has clinical support; living in line with your values correlates with wellbeing in observational research.
- How To Clarify Your Values
Values clarification is the work of naming what matters most to you, sorting the genuine priorities from the inherited ones, and using them to guide real choices. The methods — card sorts, ranking, value-consistent action — draw heavily on values work in acceptance-and-commitment therapy (ACT), which has clinical support; living in line with your values correlates with wellbeing in observational research.
- How To Discover Your Values At 50
Imagine how you’d want to be remembered to reveal the values you’d defend most.
Use the eulogy / future-self lens
- How To Find Your Personal Values Goals And Beliefs How Do You Know If They Are Right For You
Values clarification is the work of naming what matters most to you, sorting the genuine priorities from the inherited ones, and using them to guide real choices. The methods — card sorts, ranking, value-consistent action — draw heavily on values work in acceptance-and-commitment therapy (ACT), which has clinical support; living in line with your values correlates with wellbeing in observational research.
- How To Understand Myself Better And How Do I Know What I Want In Life
Name the directions you want your life to move in, distinct from goals you can check off.
Values clarification
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