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Coaching approaches

Emotional intelligence coaching

Emotional intelligence coaching works on the abilities the idea describes: noticing and naming your own feelings, reading the feelings of others, and using both to choose what to say and do. Salovey and Mayer introduced the term in 1990, and it later spread well beyond research through popular writing. Peer-reviewed studies have tested whether these skills can be trained, but coaching-specific outcome research is still small.

What it is

Emotional intelligence is the name for a cluster of abilities rather than a single trait. In the 1990 paper that introduced the term, Salovey and Mayer described it as the ability to monitor your own and other people's feelings, to tell them apart, and to use that information to guide thinking and action. Later models widened the term, so it now covers more than one framework.

Emotional intelligence coaching turns that idea into the focus of a conversation. A coach helps you notice what you felt in a specific situation, name it more precisely, see how it shaped what you did, and decide what to try differently. Boyatzis and colleagues have written about coaching as a way of developing emotional intelligence in leaders (Boyatzis et al., 2013).

Where it comes from

Peter Salovey and John Mayer introduced the term in a 1990 paper that defined it as a set of abilities to monitor and use emotion (Salovey & Mayer, 1990).

The term later spread well beyond research through popular writing. Richard Boyatzis and colleagues later connected emotional intelligence with coaching for leaders (Boyatzis, Smith & Blaize, 2006; Boyatzis et al., 2013).

The principles underneath

Name the feeling precisely

A vague word such as 'stressed' or 'off' gives you less to work with than a more exact one. Salovey and Mayer's definition starts with monitoring your own feelings.

Read the feelings of others

Emotional intelligence includes noticing how other people feel and how they are reacting, not only what you feel yourself.

Use feelings as information

A feeling shows what matters to you in a moment. The skill is in using that information to choose a response, rather than acting on the feeling automatically.

Regulate without suppressing

The aim is not to feel less. It is to choose how to respond when a strong feeling arrives. Nelis and colleagues use the term emotional competence for this set of skills (Nelis et al., 2011).

Treat the skills as learnable

The training research asks how far these skills can be improved, which is why the approach treats them as something to practise rather than a fixed trait (Mattingly & Kraiger, 2019; Nelis et al., 2009).

How a session runs

  1. Bring one recent moment when a feeling shaped what you said or did, such as a meeting, a message or an argument.
  2. Describe what you felt in that moment as precisely as you can, and where you noticed it in your body.
  3. Look at what the feeling seemed to be about: what mattered to you, and what you were afraid of losing or hoping to protect.
  4. Consider how the other person was probably feeling, and what in their words or behaviour suggested it.
  5. Choose one thing to try differently next time, and how you will notice it happening.
  6. At the next session, go back over what happened when you tried it.

When it tends to fit

  • You said or did something in a tense moment and later wished you had handled your feelings differently.
  • You keep misreading how someone is feeling, and it is costing you in conversations at work or at home.
  • You are about to have a hard conversation and want to plan how you will manage your own reactions.

What the research shows

Evidence: Some peer-reviewed studies

Peer-reviewed research has tested whether emotional skills can be trained. A 2019 meta-analysis asks this question directly (Mattingly & Kraiger, 2019). Two studies by Nelis and colleagues (2009; 2011) concern increasing emotional intelligence or emotional competence, and the 2011 article's title reports improvements in well-being, social relationships and employability after emotional competence was increased. Coaching-specific work is mostly conceptual or descriptive: Boyatzis and colleagues discuss coaching for emotional intelligence in leaders (Boyatzis, Smith & Blaize, 2006; Boyatzis et al., 2013), and a 2018 article examines the neuroscience of coaching (Boyatzis & Jack, 2018). The studies named here are not summarised for effect size on this page.

Where the evidence is thin: The training studies test general emotional skills rather than coaching sessions. Mayer, Salovey and Caruso (2008) asked whether emotional intelligence is a new ability or an eclectic set of traits, which points to two different kinds of thing measured in different ways, so results from one measure do not transfer neatly to the other or to coaching. Popular claims that emotional intelligence predicts success better than IQ go beyond the research cited on this page.

Sources

  1. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185–211.
  2. Mattingly, V., & Kraiger, K. (2019). Can emotional intelligence be trained? A meta-analytical investigation. Human Resource Management Review, 29(2), 140–155.
  3. Nelis, D., Kotsou, I., Quoidbach, J., Hansenne, M., Weytens, F., Dupuis, P., & Mikolajczak, M. (2011). Increasing emotional competence improves psychological and physical well-being, social relationships, and employability. Emotion, 11(2), 354–366.
  4. Nelis, D., Quoidbach, J., Mikolajczak, M., & Hansenne, M. (2009). Increasing emotional intelligence: (How) is it possible? Personality and Individual Differences, 47(1), 36–41.
  5. Boyatzis, R. E., & Jack, A. I. (2018). The neuroscience of coaching. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 70(1), 11–27.
  6. Boyatzis, R. E., Smith, M. L., Van Oosten, E., & Woolford, L. (2013). Developing resonant leaders through emotional intelligence, vision and coaching. Organizational Dynamics, 42(1), 17–24.
  7. Boyatzis, R. E., Smith, M. L., & Blaize, N. (2006). Developing sustainable leaders through coaching and compassion. Academy of Management Learning & Education, 5(1), 8–24.
  8. Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2008). Emotional intelligence: New ability or eclectic traits? American Psychologist, 63(6), 503–517.

Where it stops

Emotional intelligence describes a set of skills and a model, not a diagnosis. Coaching can help you notice patterns in how you respond to feelings, but it does not assess or treat emotional or mental health conditions.

When strong feelings come with overwhelm, persistent low mood, anxiety that does not ease, or feelings tied to trauma, a qualified professional is better placed to help than a coaching conversation.

Feedback about how you read other people can land hard. If the conversation is tied to a performance review or someone else's agenda, be clear about what it is for and who it serves.

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