Say the emotional truth out loud to the people it is about
Speak what you discovered as a short, present-tense "I" statement to an imagined image of the people involved.
Why it works
Ecker and Hulley call this the overt statement. A newly glimpsed reason is fragile and easily turns into talking about the problem from a distance. Saying it in the first person, present tense, to the people it concerns (pictured, at a safe distance) moves you from talking about the material to speaking from inside it, so you feel it as your own. In one published case, a client told her pictured family, in effect, that she had to stay lifeless and silent with them or be cut down. Repeating the statement deepens the felt sense that the reaction is your own solution to a real problem.
How to do it
- Take what you discovered and shape it into one or two plain sentences: what I have to do, and what I am protecting myself from.
- Picture the relevant people at a safe distance, where they cannot hear or react.
- Say the statement aloud to them, in the present tense, in your own words. Adjust the wording until it feels exactly true.
- Repeat it two or three times and notice what you feel as it lands.
Evidence
The overt statement is used throughout the authors' published cases as the main way to integrate a discovery, and their 2008 chapter explains why they use imagined listeners. They also use it later as a test of change. This rests on the authors' clinical reports; the technique has not been separately studied. (anecdotal)
Speaking directly to imagined family members can bring up strong feeling. Keep them at a safe distance in the image. If what comes up feels flooding, you lose track of where you are, or images will not settle, stop and continue with a trained therapist rather than alone.
Sources
- Ecker, B., & Hulley, L. (2008). Coherence therapy: Swift change at the roots of symptom production. In J. D. Raskin & S. K. Bridges (Eds.), Studies in Meaning 3: Constructivist Psychotherapy in the Real World (pp. 57-83). Pace University Press.
- Ecker, B., & Hulley, L. (2002). Deep from the start: Profound change in brief therapy is a real possibility. Psychotherapy Networker, 26(1), 46-51, 64 (authors' website edition).
Common mistake
Turning the statement into a complaint or a confrontation ("you ruined my life"). It is a statement of what you have been doing and why it has felt necessary, said for your own awareness, not delivered to anyone in real life.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for Coherence Therapy: Why an Unwanted Reaction Makes Emotional Sense
- Pin down the exact moment the problem happens
Replace a general label with one concrete recent moment, and what you were thinking and feeling right then.
- Imagine life without the problem and notice what goes wrong
Picture yourself vividly without the reaction you want gone, and watch for the unwelcome feeling that shows up.
- Let a sentence stem finish itself
Say an unfinished sentence about the problem out loud and let the ending arrive without composing it.
- Read the emotional truth on a card every day
Write the statement on an index card, read it daily, and notice the pattern in real time when it happens.
- Find something you already know that contradicts it
Look for a lived experience or plain fact that cannot be true at the same time as the old emotional learning.
- Feel the old learning and the contradiction at the same time
Bring the old emotional learning fully to mind and, while it feels real, attend to the knowledge that contradicts it.
- Check whether the old reaction still fires
Deliberately revisit what used to set the reaction off and notice whether the old learning still feels true.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Schema Therapy: Healing Early Maladaptive Beliefs
Early maladaptive schemas, schema modes, and the practices that gradually heal them
- The Empty Chair Technique: Finishing What Was Never Said
Speaking directly to the person you still carry, so the old feelings can finally move
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