Reach a person if the sobbing and guilt keep going
If days of sobbing, guilt, or thoughts of not being here follow the workshop, reach a trusted person and a clinician now, not after more constellation work.
Why it works
A group workshop can stir grief and guilt about people you cannot change, and that feeling can run on for days when no one is helping you carry it. Constellations work with the family in the room, which is not a replacement for a clinician who knows you. How long it has lasted, and who is beside you, are the things that tell you it is time for a person to take over.
How to do it
- Stop further constellation work for now. Do not place or stand in for any family member again until you have talked with a clinician.
- Tell one person you trust what happened in the workshop and that you have been sobbing for days, and ask them to check on you today.
- See a therapist or clinician soon. If you want to keep working with constellations, choose someone trained in the method as well as a licensed clinician, and tell them how long the crying has lasted.
- If you have thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself, or a part of you says you would be better off not here, call or text 988 in the US (the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or find a line in your country at findahelpline.com.
- If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
- If you are not sure whether what you feel is grief or something more, say so to a clinician. You do not have to work that out alone.
Evidence
988 and the Find A Helpline directory are established crisis and support services. They are not studies of family constellations, and they are included here so a person in distress knows where to turn. (clinical)
Crisis lines are support services rather than tested interventions for this exercise, and their hours and availability vary by country. If one line is busy, try another listed line, or call your local emergency number.
Sources
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (United States): call or text 988.
- Find A Helpline: international directory of crisis and support lines.
Common mistake
Treating several days of sobbing and guilt as part of the process and waiting for it to pass alone. How long it lasts is itself a reason to bring in a person.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for Family Constellations: The Method, the Trial Evidence, and Its Limits
- Step out of the placement and come back to your body
Leave the constellation, let someone know you need a break, and let your feet and eyes bring you back to the room before you think about your family.
- Attend a three-day family constellation seminar
Join a short group seminar in which family relationships are set out and watched, in either the active or the observing role.
- Take the active seat and place your family members
As the active participant, describe your family and the problem to the facilitator, then let the group stand in for your family and place them in the room.
- Stand in as a representative for someone else’s family member
When another participant is the active participant, let yourself be placed as a stand-in for one of their family members and notice what comes up.
- Watch the placements move toward a solution arrangement
After the facilitator’s interventions, watch the stand-ins change places until the group reaches the arrangement the method calls a solution constellation.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
- Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical
The parts model, the mechanisms behind it, and an honest read on an emerging evidence base
- Psychodrama Techniques: Role Reversal, Doubling, the Mirror and More
Acting a problem out, from the other person's seat and your own, instead of only talking about it
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