Change "it" language into "I" language
Say "I am trembling" instead of "it is trembling", and add "and I take responsibility for it" to what you say.
Why it works
Levitsky and Perls observed that people often speak about their own bodies, feelings and acts in the third person or the passive voice ("it just came out", "my hand is shaking"), which keeps the behaviour at a distance. Through the seemingly mechanical change from "it" to "I", a person identifies more clearly with what they are doing and takes responsibility for it. The "I take responsibility" game extends the same move: adding "…and I take responsibility for it" to each statement makes the ownership audible.
How to do it
- For one conversation or journal entry, listen for "it", "you" and passive phrasing about your own experience ("it gets to me", "you just freeze", "mistakes were made").
- Restate each one in the first person and present tense: "I get angry", "I freeze", "I made the mistake".
- Try a few other swaps the Gestalt literature suggests: "I can't" into "I won't", and "but" into "and". Notice which ones feel true and which do not.
- For a statement that matters, add "…and I take responsibility for it" and notice what happens in you as you say it.
Evidence
"It" language and "I" language is one of the rules, and "I take responsibility" one of the games, in Levitsky and Perls's 1970 chapter, both described with direct quotation in Witchel's 1973 review, which also records the further swaps ("I can't" into "I won't", "but" into "and") from Foulds. It is established Gestalt practice; no study has tested the language change on its own. (clinical)
Some swaps do not fit every situation: "I can't" sometimes really means can't. The exercise is a test of whether a statement is true when owned, not a rule that every limit is a choice.
Sources
- Levitsky, A., & Perls, F. S. (1970). The rules and games of Gestalt therapy. In J. Fagan & I. L. Shepherd (Eds.), Gestalt Therapy Now: Theory, Techniques, Applications. Science and Behavior Books.
- Witchel, R. (1973). Gestalt Therapy: Development, Theory, and Techniques. Paper presented at the American Personnel and Guidance Association meeting, Atlanta (ERIC document ED082090).
Common mistake
Using "I take responsibility" as self-blame. Owning that "I freeze" is about noticing that you are the one doing it, which makes it something you can work with; it is not a verdict that you are at fault.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for Gestalt Therapy: Awareness, Ownership and Contact in the Here and Now
- Follow the awareness continuum
Say what you are aware of, moment by moment, in the present tense, instead of explaining it.
- Notice the top dog and the underdog
Hear the bossy inner voice of "shoulds" and the quiet part that stalls, and let each say its piece.
- Notice the unfinished situation pulling at your attention
Find the unmet need that keeps drawing your attention away from the present, and name it in your own words.
- Exaggerate the gesture
Take a small repeated movement or tone of voice and deliberately make it bigger, to hear what it is saying.
- Notice how you interrupt contact
Catch the moment you turn a reaction back on yourself, or swallow someone else's rule whole, instead of meeting what is there.
- Respect the rhythm of contact and withdrawal
When you need to pull back, do it deliberately, notice where you go, and then return.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Two-Chair Dialogue: Working With the Inner Critic and Other Inner Splits
Giving the critic and the criticized self each a chair, so the fight inside you becomes a conversation that can change
- The Empty Chair Technique: Finishing What Was Never Said
Speaking directly to the person you still carry, so the old feelings can finally move
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
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