See things from the other person’s point of view

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s angle before you argue your own.

Why it works

Perspective-taking lowers the other person’s sense of opposition and lets you frame your case in terms they already accept. It also corrects your own model: most disagreements rest on a hidden assumption you’d revise if you saw their constraints. The result is persuasion by alignment rather than by force.

How to do it

1. State the other person’s position back to them until they agree you’ve got it right.
2. Ask yourself what you would want and do if you were in their exact situation.
3. Build your proposal on the part of their view you can honestly share.

Evidence

Perspective-taking is a studied construct linked to reduced conflict and better negotiation outcomes; Carnegie’s specific framing of it as an influence tool is practitioner advice. Controlled negotiation experiments find perspective-taking — distinct from empathy — produces more deals and better joint outcomes. (observational)

Perspective-taking helps but isn’t a guaranteed win — used cynically to find leverage it can erode trust. Treat it as understanding, not as a manipulation lever.

Sources

• Galinsky, A. D., Maddux, W. W., Gilin, D., & White, J. B. (2008). Why it pays to get inside the head of your opponent: The differential effects of perspective taking and empathy in negotiations. Psychological Science, 19(4), 378–384.

Common mistake

Doing a token "I see your point" and immediately pivoting to "but" — which signals you never actually took the view seriously.