Find the hidden corners in your own role
For the role others saw you play, find how you were also in the other two corners.
Why it works
Karpman's compassion triangle rests on the idea that once someone is in the drama triangle they are in all three roles at once, some visible and some hidden. His example is an angry boss: the identified Persecutor, but secretly a Victim of careless work and job insecurity, and secretly a Rescuer trying to train staff to a high standard. Seeing all three corners in yourself gives a fuller view of what you were doing, and he presents it as a way to monitor your own choices in any game.
How to do it
- Name the role others would say you played in a recent conflict.
- Ask how you were also a Victim in it: what were you afraid of, hurt by or stuck with?
- Ask how you were also a Rescuer: what good were you trying to do or protect?
- Then give the other person three corners as well, and write one line for each.
Evidence
The three-corners-at-once idea and the identified-role examples come from Karpman's 2007 lecture; his 2019 article describes the same triangle as an individual way of monitoring oneself by considering three possibilities in oneself and three in the other person. It is a practitioner model with no controlled research behind it. (anecdotal)
Untested. Finding your hidden corners is a way of understanding your part, not a measure of who was right.
Sources
- Karpman, S. B. (2007). The New Drama Triangles. USATAA/ITAA conference lecture, August 11, 2007 (worksheet published on the author's site).
- Karpman, S. B. (2019). Script drama analysis II. International Journal of Transactional Analysis Research & Practice, 10(1), 21-39.
Common mistake
Using the hidden corners to excuse the visible one ("I was only angry because I was trying to help"). Seeing the Rescuer inside a Persecutor move explains it; it does not cancel its effect on the other person.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for The Karpman Drama Triangle: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim and the Way Out
- Name the corner you are standing in
Lay out a recent conflict move by move and mark which of your moves were Persecutor, Rescuer or Victim.
- Track the switch that turns help into a fight
Find the moment the roles flipped, then look one step earlier for the invitation that set it up.
- Map the roles in the story you grew up on
Use your favourite childhood story to see which roles you learned to expect and play.
- Look through all three windows
When someone's behaviour puzzles or hurts you, imagine it from each of the three corners before settling on one story.
- The compassion triangle exercise for two people
Take turns offering an apology, an appreciation and your dilemma, then guess at the other person's three corners.
- Answer each corner the winner's triangle way
Meet the pull to blame, fix or collapse with its direct counterpart: Assertive, Caring or Vulnerable.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Transactional Analysis: The Parent, Adult and Child in Every Conversation
Hearing which part of you is talking, which part of them is answering, and why some conversations always end the same way
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
- Shadow Projection: Recognizing It and Taking It Back
When someone else seems to carry exactly the fault you cannot stand, and how to bring that energy home
- Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
The three conversations, the learning stance, and an honest read on the evidence
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