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Include yourself among the beings who suffer

Hold your own difficulty with the same wish for freedom you hold for others — as one being among many, not as a special case.

Why it works

In the Theravāda frame, compassion toward oneself is not a separate technique but a matter of not leaving oneself out. The Visuddhimagga’s compassion training ends by breaking down the barriers between four people — and the first of the four is oneself. Its loving-kindness instructions use oneself as the example — just as I want to be happy and dread pain, so do others — and quote the verse the Buddha spoke to King Pasenadi: searching every direction, one finds no one dearer than oneself, and others hold themselves just as dear. The acrobat discourse adds the other half: looking after yourself, you look after others; looking after others, you look after yourself.

How to do it

  1. Bring to mind something you are struggling with, and let it be seen as you would see the same difficulty in a friend.
  2. Offer yourself the same wish: “May I be freed from this suffering.”
  3. Then widen it straight away: “Just as I want to be free of this, so does everyone who struggles with something like it.”
  4. Let the two directions sit together — yourself, and others like you — without ranking which matters more.
  5. If the wish toward yourself feels impossible, begin with others and include yourself at the end, as the barrier-breaking stage does.

Evidence

The barrier-breaking stage including oneself is Visuddhimagga IX.81; oneself as the example is IX.8–10, quoting the verse found in Saṃyutta Nikāya 3.8; the acrobat simile is Saṃyutta Nikāya 47.19. The modern construct of self-compassion — self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness — was defined by Neff (2003). Kirby, Tellegen and Steindl’s meta-analysis of 21 randomised trials of compassion-based interventions found moderate effects on self-compassion (d = 0.70), depression, anxiety and well-being. (rct)

The trial evidence is for modern compassion-based programs, mostly with small samples, not for the Theravāda practice described here. The acrobat discourse is about mindfulness, not compassion specifically; its reciprocity is applied here by extension. See the self-compassion page for Neff’s practices themselves.

Sources

Common mistake

Treating compassion for yourself as a separate, private project — in this frame its strength comes from seeing your struggle as one instance of what every being goes through, which is what keeps it from turning into self-absorption.

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Frequently asked questions

How do you include yourself among the beings who suffer?

In the Theravāda frame, compassion toward oneself is not a separate technique but a matter of not leaving oneself out. The Visuddhimagga’s compassion training ends by breaking down the barriers between four people — and the first of the four is oneself. Its loving-kindness instructions use oneself as the example — just as I want to be happy and dread pain, so do others — and quote the verse the Buddha spoke to King Pasenadi: searching every direction, one finds no one dearer than oneself, and others hold themselves just as dear. The acrobat discourse adds the other half: looking after yourself, you look after others; looking after others, you look after yourself.

What is the most common mistake with include yourself among the beings who suffer?

Treating compassion for yourself as a separate, private project — in this frame its strength comes from seeing your struggle as one instance of what every being goes through, which is what keeps it from turning into self-absorption.

More practices for Karuṇā: Compassion Meditation in the Theravāda Tradition

Related concepts

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