Practice "Tell me more" — defer rebuttal until genuine understanding

Respond to an opposing view with curiosity before you respond with counter-argument.

Why it works

Premature rebuttal signals that you heard just enough to disagree — it triggers the other person’s defensiveness and hardens their position. Sustained curiosity, by contrast, signals safety and keeps the other person in exploratory mode, where they are more likely to surface the interests behind their position and sometimes to revise the position themselves.

How to do it

1. When you feel the urge to rebut, pause and ask: "Tell me more about why that matters to you."
2. Reflect what you heard before adding anything of your own.
3. Ask at least two follow-up questions before you introduce your own perspective.
4. Track the moment your curiosity becomes performance — that is the signal to name the impasse directly.

Evidence

Active listening and perspective-taking reduce reactance and improve joint negotiation outcomes. Sustained curiosity before rebuttal is a standard technique in both MI and mediation practice. (clinical)

The "tell me more" phrase is practitioner shorthand; the underlying active-listening research is real but covers diverse methods, not this phrasing in isolation.

Common mistake

Performing curiosity (nodding while internally rehearsing the counter-argument) — people detect this and it erodes trust faster than an honest disagreement would.