Make the third alternative tangible with a prototype or model
Turn an abstract third-alternative idea into something both parties can react to together.
Why it works
Abstract agreement on criteria often dissolves when a concrete proposal appears, because each side imagines different things. A rough prototype — a diagram, a written scenario, a role-play — forces shared reality. Reactions to the model surface assumptions that were invisible in the abstract conversation, allowing them to be addressed before commitment.
How to do it
- Once a candidate solution emerges, make it concrete: write it as a one-paragraph scenario, draw it, or role-play it.
- Ask both parties to react specifically to the model, not to the general idea.
- Treat reactions as refinement data, not rejection — update the model and check again.
- Declare the solution adopted only after both parties have reacted to the same concrete version.
Evidence
Prototyping as a reality-testing tool is well established in design thinking and conflict mediation. Making proposals tangible reduces the ambiguity that allows each party to over-optimistically assume the deal means what they want. (mechanistic)
Evidence base is design and mediation practice literature; controlled outcome research comparing prototyping to abstract agreement in conflict resolution is sparse.
Common mistake
Announcing "we have a third alternative" after verbal agreement, then discovering each party imagined a different implementation — prototyping prevents this before commitment locks both sides in.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for The Third Alternative, Made Practical
- Ask "Are you willing to find a solution better than either of us has thought of?"
Open the conversation with a single question that resets both parties from adversaries to co-creators.
- Define what success looks like together, before proposing solutions
Agree on the criteria a good solution must meet before either side proposes anything.
- Model synergy: ask "what would a solution have to look like to address both?"
Use the agreed criteria as a design brief and generate solutions that meet all of them.
- Practice "Tell me more" — defer rebuttal until genuine understanding
Respond to an opposing view with curiosity before you respond with counter-argument.
- Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
- Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
- Negotiate from abundance, not scarcity
Question the assumption that what one side gains the other must lose.
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