How satisfied am I in my relationship? A 4-minute check-in

About 4 minutes · 15 statements · Your answers stay on this page

If you've been typing 'is my marriage in trouble' late at night, we're sorry it's on your mind, and we'd rather say this early: no set of statements can tell you that, and this check-in doesn't try to. Satisfaction isn't one score that settles whether a relationship is good or bad. It moves with stress, with seasons of life, and with how much attention the two of you have had for each other lately. What this can do is show where the warmth, the feeling heard and the everyday strain sit for you right now. It looks at three threads: how much warmth and enjoyment you feel, how met you feel in what you need, and how much everyday strain has built up. You'll rate fifteen statements about the last month or so, which takes about four minutes, and each answer shows you one short line back. At the end you'll see the pattern your answers lean toward, what's good in it, where it may be costing you, and one small practice to try. It reflects how you feel right now; it is not a verdict on your relationship or your partner, and not a diagnosis. It is built for everyday ups and downs; if you feel afraid of your partner, or controlled or hurt by them, talking with someone you trust or a support service comes first. Your answers never leave this page.

A reflection, not a diagnosis. How satisfied you feel in a relationship shifts with time and circumstance; it is not a condition, and this is not a verdict on the relationship. If you feel afraid of your partner, controlled or hurt, this check-in is not built for that, and talking to someone you trust or a support service is the better next step.

About the idea

Relationship satisfaction is simply how you feel about your relationship, and researchers have measured it for decades by asking people directly. In 1988 the psychologist Susan Hendrick published a seven-question measure meant to work for many kinds of close relationship. Scores on it went along with love, commitment and investment, and in a small follow-up it helped tell apart couples who stayed together from those who broke up. In 2007 the psychologists Janette Funk and Ronald Rogge built a longer measure, the Couples Satisfaction Index, that captures differences in satisfaction more precisely. Both treat satisfaction as one person's own view, which is also what this check-in asks for.

Satisfaction also changes. Reviewing 115 studies that followed more than 45,000 marriages over time, the psychologists Benjamin Karney and Thomas Bradbury proposed that how a marriage feels shifts with what each partner brings, with stressful events from outside, and with how the couple adapts together. That is why this check-in asks about everyday strain alongside warmth and feeling met: a heavy season can change how a relationship feels without saying anything final about it.

This research describes groups of couples, mostly through questionnaires, so it can't tell you how your relationship will go. Your partner might answer quite differently, and only the two of you can know what that means. The three threads here are our own way of looking at satisfaction in everyday terms, and the statements are written for IX Coach.

What this reflection looks at

• Warmth and enjoyment — Higher means you still enjoy your partner's company, like who they are, and want to share good things with them.
• Feeling met — Higher means you feel heard, noticed and counted in, and your important needs find a place in the relationship.
• Everyday strain — Higher means irritations, outside stress, logistics and unsaid resentments have been building up between you.

Questions people ask

Sources

1. Hendrick, S. S. (1988). A generic measure of relationship satisfaction. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50(1), 93–98. doi.org/10.2307/352430
   Supports: Relationship satisfaction can be measured briefly by asking people directly; it relates to love, commitment and investment.
2. Funk, J. L. & Rogge, R. D. (2007). Testing the ruler with item response theory: Increasing precision of measurement for relationship satisfaction with the Couples Satisfaction Index. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(4), 572–583. doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.4.572
   Supports: Satisfaction is measured as a person's own view, and newer measures capture differences in it more precisely.
3. Karney, B. R. & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, method, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3–34. doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.118.1.3
   Supports: Marital quality changes over time; the review of 115 longitudinal studies proposes that enduring qualities, stressful events and how couples adapt all shape it.

The statements in this reflection were written for IX Coach; they are not taken from any published questionnaire. Last reviewed 2026-10-07.