Coaching practices for Actual Ideal Ought Self
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Actual Ideal Ought Self, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My head is full of "shoulds" that drive me with guilt all day, and I can’t tell which ones I actually believe versus which I just swallowed whole from my parents or the world
- The future I want for myself feels so out of reach that part of me has filed it under "people like me don’t get there"
- I’ve got this clear, vivid picture of the person I want to become, and I love daydreaming about them
- I tell myself I’m a generous, present, hardworking person, but when I actually look at how I spent this week, my behavior tells a different story
- My head is full of “I should be further along by now,” “I shouldn’t need rest,” “I have to have it together”
Practices that may help
- Audit the ought self for genuine versus internalized obligations
Examine each "should" in your ought self and determine whether it is truly yours — or someone else’s expectation you absorbed.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - Find living examples of your hoped-for self
Identify real people who embody your hoped-for self — their existence makes the representation concrete and credible.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Build a behavioral bridge to the possible self
Identify one specific behavior your hoped-for self does that you can do today — then do it.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Define yourself by actions, not intentions
You are not your intentions or your self-image — you are the accumulation of what you actually do.
Existentialism and Radical Choice - Should statements and moral perfectionism
"I should be doing better by now" — the internal rule that makes every shortfall a moral failure.
Cognitive Distortions: The Thinking Errors Behind Anxiety and Depression - Update and revise possible selves over time
Revisit and rewrite your possible selves at least twice a year — the self you need to become changes as you grow.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Recalibrate ideal-self standards when they are unreachably high
Distinguish between aspirational standards that stretch you and perfectionist standards that only punish you.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical
E. Tory Higgins’s self-discrepancy theory holds that specific emotional consequences follow from specific gaps in the self-system: falling short of your ideal self produces dejection and depression-like states, while falling short of your ought self (duties and obligations) produces agitation and anxiety-like states. Identifying which gap is active allows for more targeted interventions. - Possible Selves, Made Practical
Hazel Markus’s possible-selves framework holds that motivation is driven not only by who we are now but by vivid mental representations of who we could become — including hoped-for and feared future selves. These cognitive structures provide direction and energy for behavior, and deliberately developing them is a tractable approach to sustained motivation. - Live according to nature
Act in accord with your rational nature and with the nature of the whole — not by instinct alone.
Philosophy as a Way of Life
Related concerns
- Ideal Self Vs Actual Self
Distinguish between aspirational standards that stretch you and perfectionist standards that only punish you.
Recalibrate ideal-self standards when they are unreachably high
- Behavioral Bridge Possible Selves
Identify one specific behavior your hoped-for self does that you can do today — then do it.
Build a behavioral bridge to the possible self
- Hazel Markus Possible Selves
Hazel Markus’s possible-selves framework holds that motivation is driven not only by who we are now but by vivid mental representations of who we could become — including hoped-for and feared future selves. These cognitive structures provide direction and energy for behavior, and deliberately developing them is a tractable approach to sustained motivation.
- Ideal Self Gap
When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
Close the ideal-self gap through growth, not erasure
- Possible Selves At Work
Hazel Markus’s possible-selves framework holds that motivation is driven not only by who we are now but by vivid mental representations of who we could become — including hoped-for and feared future selves. These cognitive structures provide direction and energy for behavior, and deliberately developing them is a tractable approach to sustained motivation.
- Possible Selves During A Big Change
Hazel Markus’s possible-selves framework holds that motivation is driven not only by who we are now but by vivid mental representations of who we could become — including hoped-for and feared future selves. These cognitive structures provide direction and energy for behavior, and deliberately developing them is a tractable approach to sustained motivation.
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