Coaching practices for Ideal Self vs Actual Self

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Ideal Self vs Actual Self, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• The bar I hold myself to is one no actual human could ever clear, so no matter what I achieve it never counts and I’m left perpetually disappointed in myself
• I’ve got this clear, vivid picture of the person I want to become, and I love daydreaming about them
• There’s this version of me I always pictured I’d be by now, and looking at the gap between that and where I actually am just flattens me
• The future I want for myself feels so out of reach that part of me has filed it under "people like me don’t get there"
• I tell myself I’m a generous, present, hardworking person, but when I actually look at how I spent this week, my behavior tells a different story

Practices that may help

1. Recalibrate ideal-self standards when they are unreachably high
   Distinguish between aspirational standards that stretch you and perfectionist standards that only punish you.
   Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical
2. Build a behavioral bridge to the possible self
   Identify one specific behavior your hoped-for self does that you can do today — then do it.
   Possible Selves, Made Practical
3. Close the ideal-self gap through growth, not erasure
   When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
   Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical
4. Find living examples of your hoped-for self
   Identify real people who embody your hoped-for self — their existence makes the representation concrete and credible.
   Possible Selves, Made Practical
5. Define yourself by actions, not intentions
   You are not your intentions or your self-image — you are the accumulation of what you actually do.
   Existentialism and Radical Choice
6. Update and revise possible selves over time
   Revisit and rewrite your possible selves at least twice a year — the self you need to become changes as you grow.
   Possible Selves, Made Practical
7. Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical
   E. Tory Higgins’s self-discrepancy theory holds that specific emotional consequences follow from specific gaps in the self-system: falling short of your ideal self produces dejection and depression-like states, while falling short of your ought self (duties and obligations) produces agitation and anxiety-like states. Identifying which gap is active allows for more targeted interventions.
8. Map your actual, ideal, and ought selves
   Write separate descriptions of who you are, who you want to be, and who you feel you must be — then compare them.
   Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical
9. Elaborate your hoped-for possible self
   Build a detailed, sensory-rich mental picture of a concrete future version of yourself — not an abstract goal, but a person.
   Possible Selves, Made Practical
10. Mapping your ideal self explicitly
    Articulate specifically who your ideal self is — the person you are working toward — so your partner can sculpt toward it rather than guessing.
    The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.