Coaching practices for Ask People Who Have Been There
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Ask People Who Have Been There, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I want to invite someone to try a new approach, and I sense it would land far better if they first connected it to how they already see themselves
- I’ve got the glowing star ratings and the "amazing, five stars!" blurbs, but they ring hollow and nobody trusts them
- I keep telling people how many others have signed on and it just isn’t landing
- I walk into the same situation already knowing exactly how it goes, so I stop actually looking
- I’ve got the conversation booked but I’m staring at a blank page of questions, worried I’ll waste their time asking things I could’ve Googled
Practices that may help
- Prime identity before the ask — "what kind of person are you?"
Invite the person to describe who they are in terms that align with the behavior you’re requesting.
Pre-Suasion, Made Practical - Collect and deploy real, specific testimonials
A specific, verifiable account of one person’s experience outperforms a generic five-star rating.
Social Proof, Made Practical - Use peer-specific social proof, not generic popularity
"People like you do this" is far more persuasive than "a lot of people do this."
Social Proof, Made Practical - Fresh-eyes inquiry: "What if I knew nothing about this?"
Before engaging a familiar situation, ask what you would notice if you were seeing it for the first time.
Beginner's Mind (Shoshin), Made Practical - Prepare questions you genuinely don’t know the answer to
Ask about the unwritten realities of the role — the things no job posting reveals.
Informational Interviews: Career Research That Builds Your Network - Test — let users break it
Put the prototype in front of real users and treat their confusion as data.
Design Thinking, Step by Step - Listen for what isn’t in the job description
Focus on the texture of day-to-day work, not the official narrative.
Informational Interviews: Career Research That Builds Your Network - Learn from a phronimos (a practically wise person)
Identify someone whose judgment you respect, and study how they read situations — not just what they decide.
Phronesis: Aristotle’s Practical Wisdom - Evoke change talk instead of supplying it
Ask questions that lead the person to voice their own reasons for changing.
Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical - Actively seek feedback on your blind spots
Ask specifically for what others see that you might not — with enough specificity to get honest answers.
The Johari Window
Related concerns
- Alternative To Providing Individuals References During Job Application
Replace passive job board browsing with active research into specific organisations you want to understand.
Build and work a target list of roles and organisations
- Check The Facts In A New Job
"Check the facts" is a DBT emotion regulation skill for testing whether an emotion is justified by the actual situation or whether it is firing based on an interpretation — a story the mind has added. The underlying mechanism (examining the evidence for a belief) is the same as cognitive restructuring in CBT, which has strong randomized-trial support for anxiety and depression. DBT packages it specifically as a regulation tool, to be used when the emotion may not fit the facts.
- How To Deal Politely With People Asking About Your Job But Unable To Understand It
A short, specific, no-pressure request gets far more responses than a vague networking ask.
Request the conversation the right way
- How To Request Informational Interview
End by asking: "Is there someone else you think I should talk to?"
Close every informational interview with one forward step
- In An Interview How To Ask About Access To Internal Job Postings
Ask about the unwritten realities of the role — the things no job posting reveals.
Prepare questions you genuinely don’t know the answer to
- Motivational Interviewing In A New Job
Motivational interviewing (MI) is a collaborative conversation style that strengthens a person’s own motivation for change by drawing out their reasons rather than supplying them. Meta-analyses find small-to-moderate effects across health behaviors — modest on average, but reliably better than confrontational or advice-giving styles, which can backfire.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.