Coaching practices for Assertiveness Training for My Teenager

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Assertiveness Training for My Teenager, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • I say the firm thing but my voice goes up at the end like a question, my eyes drop, and I tack on a nervous little laugh
  • Whenever I need to ask for something or say no, it comes out either as an attack or as me folding completely
  • I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
  • My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation

Practices that may help

  1. Assertiveness Training, Made Practical
    Assertiveness training is a set of learnable skills — using I-statements, the broken-record technique, fogging, and saying no without over-justifying — that let you express needs and limits directly without aggression or passivity. It comes out of behavior therapy and social-skills training and has a genuine clinical basis, taught for decades in therapeutic settings.
  2. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  3. Match your body to your words
    Assertive words undercut by passive body language read as a bluff.
    Assertiveness Training, Made Practical
  4. DEAR MAN for interpersonal effectiveness
    A structured script — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — for asking and saying no.
    Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical
  5. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  6. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  7. DEAR MAN: making effective requests
    Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce — then Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate.
    DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
  8. Give age-appropriate autonomy within non-negotiable limits
    Let the child choose within the boundaries you set — the choice builds competence; the boundary provides safety.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  9. Identify the lagging skill behind the behavior
    Name the cognitive skill the child is missing, not the behavior you want to stop.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  10. FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
    Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
    DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship

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