Coaching practices for How to Encourage a Child Specifically

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I tell my kid "good job, you’re so smart" constantly, and now they freeze up at anything hard and keep looking to me to confirm they’re okay
  • I tell my kid "good job" all day and it doesn’t seem to change anything
  • I praise my kid constantly
  • My child has gotten so used to being "the difficult one" that they act like it’s just who they are
  • Even when I sit down to play with my kid I catch myself steering it

Practices that may help

  1. Encourage the effort and the process, not the outcome
    Encouragement builds inner confidence; outcome-praise creates dependency on adult evaluation.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  2. Use descriptive praise instead of generic approval
    Tell the child exactly what they did right so they know what to repeat.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  3. Encourage specific contributions and efforts
    "You set the table without being asked — that helped the whole family" is more powerful than "Good job."
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  4. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
    Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  5. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
    Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  6. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments
    Narrate what the child is doing right in real time, even when it is unremarkable.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  8. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  9. Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
    Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  10. Give clear, calm, single instructions
    One specific direction at a time, calmly stated once, is more effective than repeated commands.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)

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