Coaching practices for How to Not Care What Other People Think How Do I Start Doing Things for Me and Me Alone

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• One offhand remark or someone’s disapproval can hijack my whole mood for days, because somewhere I’ve made my sense of being okay depend on whether other people approve of me
• I’d never speak to anyone else the way I speak to myself
• I shrink my life down to avoid any chance of looking foolish
• My default setting is to evaluate myself constantly
• I can wish other people well easily but the moment I try to turn that same kindness toward myself it feels false or even selfish

Practices that may help

1. Let go of others’ opinions of you
   Another’s contempt is their judgment, not your business; only your own conduct is yours to mind.
   The Enchiridion, as a Handbook
2. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
   Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
   Working With Your Inner Critic
3. Shame-attacking exercises
   Do something mildly embarrassing on purpose to prove you can survive and function through discomfort.
   Unconditional Self-Acceptance
4. Practice daily self-transcendence
   Each day, do at least one thing whose value is entirely independent of how you felt, performed, or appeared while doing it.
   Logotherapy: Dereflection
5. Loving-kindness toward yourself
   Begin by directing the well-wishes inward — “may I be safe, happy, healthy, at ease.”
   Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation
6. Fierce provision: identify and meet your own needs
   Ask yourself what you need right now and take action to supply it — without waiting to be asked.
   Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical
7. Shift attention outward during social situations
   Direct your focus to what the other person is saying and feeling, not to how you appear.
   The Spotlight Effect: Why You Think Everyone Is Watching
8. The practice of self-assertiveness
   Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
9. Release the need for approval
   Let people have their opinions of you — their judgment is theirs to hold, not yours to fix.
   The Let Them Theory, Made Practical
10. Build self-knowledge from behavioral evidence
    Ground your self-beliefs in specific past behaviors, not feelings or others’ opinions.
    Self-Concept Clarity, Made Practical

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