Coaching practices for How to Nurture My Child to Be Fearless

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation
  • I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
  • My child has gotten so used to being "the difficult one" that they act like it’s just who they are
  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • My kid won’t put on the coat, won’t pack the lunch, and every fiber of me wants to swoop in and save them from the small fallout

Practices that may help

  1. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  2. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  3. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
    Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  4. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  5. Allow natural consequences to do the teaching
    Step back and let the world respond — your child learns more from being cold than from being lectured about coats.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  6. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
    Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  7. Give age-appropriate autonomy within non-negotiable limits
    Let the child choose within the boundaries you set — the choice builds competence; the boundary provides safety.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  8. Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
    Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  9. Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments
    Narrate what the child is doing right in real time, even when it is unremarkable.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  10. Encourage the effort and the process, not the outcome
    Encouragement builds inner confidence; outcome-praise creates dependency on adult evaluation.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)

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