Coaching practices for There's This Version of Me I Always Pictured I'd Be by Now and Looking at the Gap Between That and Where I Actually Am Just Flattens Me I Keep Trying to Think My Way Out of the Sadness Instead of Doing Anything That Would Actually Move Me Toward Who I Wanted to Be
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For There's This Version of Me I Always Pictured I'd Be by Now and Looking at the Gap Between That and Where I Actually Am Just Flattens Me I Keep Trying to Think My Way Out of the Sadness Instead of Doing Anything That Would Actually Move Me Toward Who I Wanted to Be, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- There’s this version of me I always pictured I’d be by now, and looking at the gap between that and where I actually am just flattens me
- I’m still grinding toward a version of "successful me" I dreamed up years ago, and it’s stopped lighting me up
- I’ve got this clear, vivid picture of the person I want to become, and I love daydreaming about them
- There’s this constant background sense of not being enough, but I can’t even tell what kind
- The future I want for myself feels so out of reach that part of me has filed it under "people like me don’t get there"
Practices that may help
- Close the ideal-self gap through growth, not erasure
When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - Update and revise possible selves over time
Revisit and rewrite your possible selves at least twice a year — the self you need to become changes as you grow.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Build a behavioral bridge to the possible self
Identify one specific behavior your hoped-for self does that you can do today — then do it.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Map your actual, ideal, and ought selves
Write separate descriptions of who you are, who you want to be, and who you feel you must be — then compare them.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - Find living examples of your hoped-for self
Identify real people who embody your hoped-for self — their existence makes the representation concrete and credible.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Consult your future self
Imagine your wiser future self looking back on this moment, and ask what they’d want you to do.
Self-Distancing: Thinking Clearly About Your Own Problems - Pair the hoped-for self with a feared counterpart
Identify the feared version of your future self in the same domain — the pairing produces more sustained motivation than hope alone.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Recalibrate ideal-self standards when they are unreachably high
Distinguish between aspirational standards that stretch you and perfectionist standards that only punish you.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - Elaborate your hoped-for possible self
Build a detailed, sensory-rich mental picture of a concrete future version of yourself — not an abstract goal, but a person.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Vividly visualize your future self in concrete detail
The more specific and sensory your image of your future self, the less you discount their wellbeing.
Future Self Continuity, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Ideal Self Vs Actual Self
Distinguish between aspirational standards that stretch you and perfectionist standards that only punish you.
Recalibrate ideal-self standards when they are unreachably high
- Possible Selves For My Teenager
Identify real people who embody your hoped-for self — their existence makes the representation concrete and credible.
Find living examples of your hoped-for self
- Possible Selves With Friends
Hazel Markus’s possible-selves framework holds that motivation is driven not only by who we are now but by vivid mental representations of who we could become — including hoped-for and feared future selves. These cognitive structures provide direction and energy for behavior, and deliberately developing them is a tractable approach to sustained motivation.
- When Possible Selves Pair Hoped For With Feared Self
Identify the feared version of your future self in the same domain — the pairing produces more sustained motivation than hope alone.
Pair the hoped-for self with a feared counterpart
- Dejection And Ideal Self
When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
Close the ideal-self gap through growth, not erasure
- Ideal Self Gap
When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
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