Coaching practices for What to Do When You Side with Your Kids Over Your Partner
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For What to Do When You Side with Your Kids Over Your Partner, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My partner sided with their family over me again, or didn’t back me up in front of others, and I’m left unsure whether they’ll actually put us first when it counts
- Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
- I lay down a rule and my kids ignore it because it’s "my" rule they had no say in
- The second my partner gets upset about a stance I’ve taken, I fold
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
Practices that may help
- Create and protect the couple bubble
Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Use family meetings to solve problems together
When children help solve the problem, they own the solution — and solutions they own, they actually follow.
Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen) - Holding onto yourself under relational pressure
Maintain your own identity, positions, and values when a partner’s unhappiness is generating pressure to capitulate.
Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Mapping shared and divergent values in a relationship
Do the card sort alongside someone important to you and compare — do not assume your rankings match.
Values Card Sort - Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
Related concerns
- Can A Stepfather And Stepson Relationship Work Well
Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
Create and protect the couple bubble
- Child Problem Solving Together
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
- Collaborative Parenting Solution
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
- Collaborative Problem Solving Ross Greene As A Parent
Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
- Collaborative Problem Solving Ross Greene During Conflict
Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
- How Do I Deal With A Child That Refuses To Do A Chore Or Task
Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
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