Coaching practices for Why Do I Find it Difficult to Be My Authentic Self with Others How Can I Be More Expressive
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I spend all day arranging my face into the cheerful, capable version everyone expects while I feel nothing like it inside, and holding that mask up hour after hour is leaving me hollowed out and weirdly unsure of what I even feel underneath it anymore.
- I’m so used to managing how I come across that I’m not even sure people know the real me
- With the person closest to me I’ve fallen into playing a role, and the most real parts of me stay tucked away
- My face stays so carefully neutral that people tell me they can never read me
- I show people the polished, competent version of me and never the messy in-progress stuff, and I’ve realized that’s exactly why even my close relationships feel oddly flat
Practices that may help
- Stop surface acting
Recognize when you’re masking emotions at work or in relationships, and find low-cost outlets for what you actually feel.
Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical - Cultivate authenticity
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
The Gifts of Imperfection, Made Practical - Apply strengths consciously in your most important relationships
Identify how your signature strengths are showing up — or failing to show up — in the relationships that matter most.
VIA Character Strengths, Made Practical - Use genuine facial expressions and body language — not managed ones
Let your face and body reflect what you are actually experiencing so others can read and respond to you.
Radical Openness: The RO-DBT Approach to Overcontrol and Loneliness - Practice calibrated self-disclosure to allow genuine connection
Share something true about your inner experience — not performed, not calculated — to let someone in.
Radical Openness: The RO-DBT Approach to Overcontrol and Loneliness - Fix the inner state, not the outer mask
Your body language broadcasts your real internal state — so change the state, not the surface.
The Charisma Myth, Made Practical - Recognize and repair the social cost of suppression
People in conversation with a suppressor experience increased stress and reduced connection — even when they cannot explain why.
The Costs of Expressive Suppression, Made Practical - Develop selective authentic expression as a skill
Learn when and how to express genuinely — so you have a real alternative to suppression rather than a choice between suppression and flooding.
The Costs of Expressive Suppression, Made Practical - Style-flex without losing authenticity
Adapt your approach to someone else’s style without abandoning your own.
Social Style Matrix: Adapting to How People Communicate - Be Truthful: no lies, no exaggerations, no manufactured helplessness
Say what is actually true — including when the truth is "I don’t want to" rather than "I can’t."
FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
Related concerns
- How Do I Be My Authentic Self
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
Cultivate authenticity
- How To Be More My Authentic Self After Years Of Masking Who I Am
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
- Authentic Emotional Expression
Recognize when you’re masking emotions at work or in relationships, and find low-cost outlets for what you actually feel.
Stop surface acting
- How To Be Authentic
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
- Authentic Emotional Expression In Relationships
Naming and honestly expressing what you feel — rather than suppressing, masking, or performing emotions — is linked to lower physiological stress, better relationships, and more effective self-regulation. Decades of research on expressive writing and emotional disclosure support the general principle, though effects are modest and depend heavily on how disclosure is done.
- Being Your True Self
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
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