Coaching practices for How Do I Be My Authentic Self

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do I Be My Authentic Self, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I’m so used to managing how I come across that I’m not even sure people know the real me
• With the person closest to me I’ve fallen into playing a role, and the most real parts of me stay tucked away
• I show people the polished, competent version of me and never the messy in-progress stuff, and I’ve realized that’s exactly why even my close relationships feel oddly flat
• I want to be able to say the true thing in a hard conversation without either shrinking myself to keep them comfortable or steamrolling them to protect myself
• I’ve read all the tips about eye contact and posture, but the harder I work to perform the right body language the more wooden I feel

Practices that may help

1. Cultivate authenticity
   Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
   The Gifts of Imperfection, Made Practical
2. Apply strengths consciously in your most important relationships
   Identify how your signature strengths are showing up — or failing to show up — in the relationships that matter most.
   VIA Character Strengths, Made Practical
3. Practice calibrated self-disclosure to allow genuine connection
   Share something true about your inner experience — not performed, not calculated — to let someone in.
   Radical Openness: The RO-DBT Approach to Overcontrol and Loneliness
4. Practice congruent communication
   Say what you feel, about what you observe, while caring for both yourself and the other person.
   The Satir Model
5. Fix the inner state, not the outer mask
   Your body language broadcasts your real internal state — so change the state, not the surface.
   The Charisma Myth, Made Practical
6. Stop surface acting
   Recognize when you’re masking emotions at work or in relationships, and find low-cost outlets for what you actually feel.
   Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
7. The practice of self-acceptance
   Be for yourself — refuse to be your own adversary, even about the parts you want to change.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
8. Journal as the person you are becoming, not the person you have been
   Writing from your desired identity’s perspective, even tentatively, strengthens its psychological availability.
   Identity Priming, Made Practical
9. The practice of self-assertiveness
   Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
10. Style-flex without losing authenticity
    Adapt your approach to someone else’s style without abandoning your own.
    Social Style Matrix: Adapting to How People Communicate

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