The compassion triangle exercise for two people
Take turns offering an apology, an appreciation and your dilemma, then guess at the other person's three corners.
Warum es wirkt
Karpman designed the compassion triangle exercise as a way of leaving a game together. Each partner in turn speaks to all three corners of their own part: an apology for the Persecutor in it, appreciation of the good they meant as Rescuer, and the dilemma they were stuck in as Victim, so the other can feel for it. Then they offer three guesses about what the other person went through in their three corners. Karpman also uses a "10% rule": there is at least some truth in each side, so a flat denial can be met by asking for the minimum 10% that is true.
So gehst du vor
- Agree with the other person to try a structured, turn-taking exercise; if you can, ask a third person to keep track.
- Person one offers an apology for their part (explaining what you meant is fine; excuses are not), an appreciation of the good they meant, and a description of the dilemma they felt stuck in.
- Person one then gives their best three guesses about what the other person went through as Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim.
- Swap and repeat. If either of you meets a flat denial, ask for the minimum 10% of the other view that is true.
Evidenz
The exercise and its steps are set out in Karpman's 2019 article, drawing on his book A Game Free Life, and come from his couples work. He reports considerable relief when each person has expressed and heard the feelings from all three corners. This is a clinician's report, not a tested outcome. (anecdotal)
No study has tested the exercise. It needs two people who both feel safe enough to apologise. It is not for a relationship where one person is afraid of or controlled by the other; that calls for outside support and safety first.
Quellen
- Karpman, S. B. (2019). Script drama analysis II. International Journal of Transactional Analysis Research & Practice, 10(1), 21-39.
- Karpman, S. B. (2014). A Game Free Life: The New Transactional Analysis of Intimacy, Openness, and Happiness. San Francisco: Drama Triangle Publications.
Häufiger Fehler
Turning the apology into a defence ("I'm sorry, but you started it"). Karpman allows explanations of intent but not excuses; the moment an apology becomes a case for yourself, you are back in a corner.
Übe das mit IX Coach
Weitere Übungen für The Karpman Drama Triangle: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim and the Way Out
- Name the corner you are standing in
Lay out a recent conflict move by move and mark which of your moves were Persecutor, Rescuer or Victim.
- Track the switch that turns help into a fight
Find the moment the roles flipped, then look one step earlier for the invitation that set it up.
- Map the roles in the story you grew up on
Use your favourite childhood story to see which roles you learned to expect and play.
- Look through all three windows
When someone's behaviour puzzles or hurts you, imagine it from each of the three corners before settling on one story.
- Find the hidden corners in your own role
For the role others saw you play, find how you were also in the other two corners.
- Answer each corner the winner's triangle way
Meet the pull to blame, fix or collapse with its direct counterpart: Assertive, Caring or Vulnerable.
Verwandte Konzepte
- Schattenarbeit
Den Teilen von dir begegnen, die du bisher ignoriert hast
- Transactional Analysis: The Parent, Adult and Child in Every Conversation
Hearing which part of you is talking, which part of them is answering, and why some conversations always end the same way
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
- Shadow Projection: Recognizing It and Taking It Back
When someone else seems to carry exactly the fault you cannot stand, and how to bring that energy home
- Schwierige Gespräche, praktisch umgesetzt
Die drei Gespräche, die Lernhaltung, und eine ehrliche Einschätzung der Evidenz