Hear "part of me" as two states that disagree
When you catch yourself saying "part of me wants to", name both states and what each one wants.
Por qué funciona
Emmerson points out that everyday speech already uses the model: "part of me wants to" refers to an ego state, and "I hate myself when I am like that" marks two states that are not communicating. His example is a man who feels "this is the woman for me" watching his partner with a child, then, after she criticises his job later the same day, wonders what he ever saw in her — two states disagreeing, not one confused self. Treating the contradiction as two states with two concerns, rather than one self that cannot make up its mind, turns inner turmoil into something you can listen to.
Cómo hacerlo
- Notice the next time you think or say "part of me" or "I hate myself when I am like that".
- Write down the two sides as two states: what the first one wants and what the second one wants.
- For each, add what it seems to be worried about or protecting.
- Ask which state usually wins, and what the other one does when it loses.
Evidencia
Taken from the introduction and the access chapter of Emmerson's handbook, which uses everyday "part of me" language and the two-states-disagreeing example to explain ego states; his goal 2 example shows states that are not communicating, and goal 3 is learning your states. Helen Watkins describes the therapy as resolving conflicts between the states in a "family of self". This is clinical theory, not a tested self-help step. (anecdotal)
No study tests this noticing step by itself. It is a way of reading your own contradictions through the model, useful if it helps you listen to both sides, not a finding about you.
Fuentes
- Emmerson, G. (2007). Ego State Therapy (first published 2003). Crown House Publishing.
- Watkins, H. H. (1993). Ego-state therapy: An overview. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 35(4), 232-240.
Error común
Deciding one of the two states is the "real" you and the other is the problem to get rid of. In ego state therapy both states are part of you, and the aim is better communication between them, not a winner.
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Más prácticas para Ego State Therapy: The Different Selves You Shift Between
- Map the states you shift between in an ordinary week
List the distinct versions of yourself that show up in different settings, and what each is good at.
- Notice what cues a younger, older-feeling state
Track the situations that bring forward a state whose reaction feels much older than the moment, without trying to dig into it alone.
- Give two disagreeing states a chair each
Let each of two conflicting states speak from its own seat, so they can hear each other.
- Write letters between two of your states
Let one state write to another, then let the other write back.
- Negotiate a role for each state instead of silencing one
Look for an arrangement in which each conflicting state has a place, at the right time.
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- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
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- Transactional Analysis: The Parent, Adult and Child in Every Conversation
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