Ask where each rule you live by comes from

For the rules that run your life, notice which ones you were handed and which ones you have chosen to keep.

Pourquoi ça marche

In Loevinger’s account, the move from the Conformist to the Conscientious stage is a change in where rules come from. At the Conformist stage the person accepts the group’s rules, given by authorities and experienced as fixed; at the Conscientious stage the person evaluates and decides which rules to give their allegiance to. The same rule can be held either way, so sorting rules by their source — rather than by their content — is what makes the shift visible.

Comment faire

  1. Write down five rules you live by: about work, money, family, how to treat people, what is right.
  2. For each, write where it came from: a parent, a faith, a team, a culture, a mentor, your own experience.
  3. Ask of each: "If no one I respect held this rule, would I still keep it — and why?"
  4. Mark each one as handed, chosen, or not yet decided. Keep "not yet decided" as a real option.
  5. Notice how it feels to choose a rule you were handed. Keeping it on purpose is different from keeping it by default.

Données probantes

Loevinger (1973) describes the Conformist stage as accepting the rules of the group — family, school or country — as given by authorities, and the Conscientious stage as evaluating and deciding for oneself which rules to follow, with the Autonomous stage tolerating ambiguity and paradox. She reports that most American adults in her samples were at the Conformist or Conscientious stage or between them. The sorting exercise is a reflective application, not a tested intervention. (mechanistic)

Loevinger warned that not every conforming act means a person is at the Conformist stage, and conscience appears before the Conscientious stage. Questioning one rule does not by itself indicate a change of frame.

Sources

Erreur fréquente

Treating rejection as the goal. Throwing out every rule you were raised with is still letting the group decide — just in reverse. The shift Loevinger describes is about evaluating, and many handed rules turn out to be worth keeping.

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