Borrow other people’s eyes on your four strands

Ask people who see you in different settings where they think you are strong and where you are not, because the neglected strand is the hardest to see from inside.

Pourquoi ça marche

Each strand has its own blind spot, and judgments about how developed or awake someone is are highly evaluative — the kind of judgment where personality research suggests friends can be more accurate than the person themselves. Wilber writes that the shadow material of advanced meditators is something that "absolutely everybody can see" except them. Asking several people who know you in different settings corrects for the angle any single view has.

Comment faire

1. Pick three people who see you in different settings — at home, at work, in your practice community.
2. Describe the four strands to each in plain words and ask: where do you see me most grown, and where least?
3. Listen without explaining. Write their answers down afterward.
4. Look for the strand two or more of them name as weakest, especially if it is not the one you would have named.
5. Thank them, and tell one of them later what you decided to do about it.

Données probantes

Vazire (2010) found, with 165 participants each rated by friends and strangers, that people were the best judges of their own anxiety-related traits, while friends were better judges of highly evaluative traits such as intellect. Judgments about one’s own maturity or awakening are highly evaluative, so this suggests outside views may catch what self-assessment misses; that application is an inference, not a finding. Wilber makes the same observation about advanced meditators’ shadow in Integral Spirituality. (mechanistic)

Others have blind spots too, and people close to you may be invested in you staying the same. Look for agreement across people rather than taking any one view as true.

Sources

• Vazire, S. (2010). Who knows what about a person? The self–other knowledge asymmetry (SOKA) model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(2), 281–300.
• Wilber, K. (2006). Integral Spirituality: A Startling New Role for Religion in the Modern and Postmodern World. Integral Books.

Erreur fréquente

Only asking people from your practice community, who usually see the strand you are already strongest in.