Notice when you have merged with a part or are pushing one away

Recognize the two ways of losing Presence — becoming the part, or shutting it out — and come back to being the one who can be with both.

Perché funziona

Cornell and McGavin distinguish three ways of being with inner experience: Presence, being merged (identified) with a part, and exiling it. When you are merged, a part's narrow view becomes yours. When you are exiling a feeling, the manual points out, you are in fact merged with the part doing the pushing away. Either way there is no one left to keep anything company. Recognizing which has happened is already a step out of it, and grounding in the body and using Presence language bring you back. Cornell describes the whole self as the space that holds every part while parts rise and fall like waves.

Come farlo

1. When you feel swept away ("I am so hurt") or flat and impatient with a feeling ("I don't want to deal with this"), pause.
2. Ask yourself which it is: am I being this feeling, or am I pushing it away?
3. Come back into your body: notice where you are sitting, your feet, your breathing ("I'm sensing into my body").
4. From there, describe both sides in Presence language: "I'm sensing something in me that feels hurt, and something in me that wants it gone."

Prove scientifiche

The distinction between Presence, merging and exiling is laid out in the Student's and Companion's Manual and in Cornell and McGavin's 2008 overview, and Cornell's writing on Self-in-Presence describes the whole self as holding all the parts. The grounding phrase "I'm sensing into my body" comes from The Power of Focusing. This is a teaching model, not a measured construct. (anecdotal)

Untested as a model. If you often lose track of where you are, feel unreal, or cannot come back after strong feelings, work with a trained therapist rather than practising this on your own.

Fonti

• Cornell, A. W., & McGavin, B. (2002). The Focusing Student's and Companion's Manual, Part One. Calluna Press.
• Cornell, A. W., & McGavin, B. (2008). Inner Relationship Focusing. Focusing Folio, 21(1).
• Cornell, A. W. (2011). Focusing Tip #305: Being the Space that Holds Them All. Focusing Resources.
• Cornell, A. W. (1996). The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing. New Harbinger Publications.

Errore comune

Treating pushing a feeling away as success ("I'm fine, I've put it aside"). In this method, exiling a feeling means being merged with the part that does the pushing, not being in Presence.