Practise patience with yourself so the path does not become perfectionism
Use the tradition’s own remedies — encouragement, rest, rejoicing — when the ideal of perfection starts turning into a stick.
Why it works
An ideal called “perfection” invites being measured against it. Patrul Rinpoche’s guide builds in the counterweights: self-discouragement is named as a kind of laziness, answered by encouraging yourself and building confidence; the force of moderation means resting when tired or disheartened; the force of joy means celebrating the good you do; and rejoicing in the good done by others is one of the favourable factors for the bodhisattva’s aspiration. Harsh self-judgement drains the joy that, in this teaching, is effort’s fuel — so being patient with your own slowness is part of the path, not a break from it.
How to do it
- Notice the sentence in your head when you fall short of an ideal — write it down exactly.
- Ask whether you would say it to a friend on the same path; if not, rewrite it as you would say it to them.
- Name one good thing you did today, however small, and let yourself be glad of it.
- Name one good thing someone else did, and rejoice in it — this turns attention outward without excusing yourself.
- If you are tired or disheartened, rest, and treat that as part of the practice.
Evidence
The remedies for self-discouragement, the forces of moderation and joy, and rejoicing are from Patrul Rinpoche’s guide. A related modern construct, self-compassion — self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness — was defined by Neff (2003). In a randomised trial of a nine-week secular Compassion Cultivation Training program, 100 adults assigned to training or a waitlist showed improved compassion for others, receiving compassion from others and self-compassion compared with the waitlist (Jazaieri et al., 2013). (rct)
The trial tests a modern secular compassion program with self-report measures and a waitlist control, not the bodhisattva’s patience with oneself; it is evidence for a related practice. Patrul Rinpoche’s own text does not use the words “perfectionism” or “self-compassion”; applying his remedies to perfectionism is this page’s reading.
Sources
- Patrul Rinpoche. The Brightly Shining Sun: A Step-by-Step Guide to Meditating on the Bodhicaryāvatāra, trans. Adam Pearcey (2004; revised 2007 and 2019). Lotsawa House.
- Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
- Jazaieri, H., Jinpa, G. T., McGonigal, K., Rosenberg, E. L., Finkelstein, J., Simon-Thomas, E., Cullen, M., Doty, J. R., Gross, J. J., & Goldin, P. R. (2013). Enhancing Compassion: A Randomized Controlled Trial of a Compassion Cultivation Training Program. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(4), 1113–1126.
Common mistake
Treating patience with yourself as lowering the standard — the remedies here keep the aspiration and change the tone in which you hold it, because discouragement stalls the path faster than slowness does.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for The Six Pāramitās: How the Bodhisattva Trains
- Generosity (dāna): give, then notice what you were holding on to
Practise giving as a training against stinginess — and watch for the quieter attachments that ride along with a gift.
- Ethical discipline (śīla): keep watch with mindfulness, vigilance and care
Hold what you mean to do and not do in mind, check your body, speech and mind as you go, and act on what you notice.
- Patience (kṣānti): meet harm without adding anger
When someone harms or provokes you, work with the anger directly — through compassion for them, honesty about your part, and the chance it gives you to practise.
- Joyful effort (vīrya): find which kind of laziness is in the way
Effort in this tradition is joy in doing good — and its obstacle comes in three kinds, each with its own remedy.
- Meditative concentration (dhyāna): settle the mind, and rest it on the equality of self and others
Clear away busyness and craving for praise, then let the settled mind dwell on the fact that others want happiness exactly as you do.
- Wisdom (prajñā): look for the self you are defending
Investigate whether the “I” that feels harmed, praised or threatened can actually be found in the body or the mind.
- See how the six combine — each one completed by wisdom
Check any single act of giving, restraint or patience against the four features that make it a “perfection” rather than an ordinary good deed.
Related concepts
- Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
The 59 slogans and their practical application to everyday adversity and compassion
- Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending
Moving toward suffering on the breath — Tibetan Buddhism’s radical compassion practice
- Karuṇā: Compassion Meditation in the Theravāda Tradition
The second divine abiding, practised the way the Theravāda commentaries lay it out
- Shamatha: The Buddhist Practice of Calm Abiding
Training the mind to rest: the nine stages and their modern neurological parallels
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