Say "there is in me a part that…" instead of "I am…"
When one part of you takes over, name it as something in you rather than all of you.
Why it works
In his manual Assagioli calls "I am irritated" an error of "psychological grammar" and offers "there is in me a state of irritation" instead. That example is about a state. Using the same grammar for a whole subpersonality that has taken over is an extension of his principle that we are dominated by what we identify with; it is not a line from him. The restatement keeps the experience fully acknowledged while placing it inside a larger awareness. Ann Weiser Cornell's Inner Relationship Focusing uses the same move, saying "something in me" (see inner-relationship-focusing).
How to do it
- Catch a moment when one part of you takes over and you speak as if it were all of you (for example, "I am the one who always gives up").
- Restate it once as "there is in me…" — for example, "there is in me a part that always gives up."
Evidence
The "psychological grammar" sentence comes from the disidentification section of Assagioli's 1965 manual, where it is about a state; applying it to a whole subpersonality is an extension of his principle, and the restatement has not been tested. Research on self-talk points the same way by analogy: across seven studies (total N = 585), people who reflected on a stressful situation using their own name or non-first-person pronouns instead of "I" showed less distress and were rated as performing better under social stress. (anecdotal)
The self-talk studies change pronouns (third person or your own name), not Assagioli's phrasing, so they are evidence by analogy only. If putting distance between you and a part leaves you numb or unreal, or you already often feel cut off from your body, leave this practice and talk it through with a trained therapist.
Sources
- Assagioli, R. (1965). Psychosynthesis: A Manual of Principles and Techniques. Hobbs, Dorman.
- Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304-324. About this work
Common mistake
Turning the sentence into a denial ("there is anger in me, so it does not count"). The feeling is still yours to listen to; the grammar only changes who is in charge of the response.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for Psychosynthesis: Subpersonalities, Disidentification and the Observing "I"
- Put the parts work down and come back to your body
Set the subpersonality work aside, feel your feet and breath, and let the observing part of you return before any part is asked anything else.
- Reach a person now when a part says you would be better off not here
A part that says you would be better off not here is a reason to call or text a person now, not a voice to bargain with alone.
- Recognize your subpersonalities through the roles you play
Describe how you think, feel and behave in each of your main roles, and notice how different those people are.
- Let a subpersonality appear as an image, then name it
Pick one trait or motive, close your eyes, let an image of it arise on its own, then talk with it and give it a name.
- Accept a subpersonality before you try to change it
Find the part of you that is rejecting another part, step back from both, and let the rejected one be there as it is.
- Find what a subpersonality needs, not just what it wants
Look past a part's demands to the need underneath, then look for an acceptable way to meet that need.
- Help two conflicting subpersonalities cooperate
From the observer's seat, let two opposed parts each state their need, then work out a shared arrangement.
- Train your will with small tasks that have no other purpose
Choose one small, ordinary task you would rather not do, and do it the same way each day for about a week.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical
The parts model, the mechanisms behind it, and an honest read on an emerging evidence base
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
- Self-as-Context (Observing Self), Made Practical
Stepping back from self-stories to the perspective that is always already there
- Inner Relationship Focusing: Being With the Parts of You That Feel
Saying "something in me", keeping it company, and hearing what it does not want
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