Negotiate a role for each state instead of silencing one

Look for an arrangement in which each conflicting state has a place, at the right time.

Por que funciona

Helen Watkins describes ego state therapy as applying the techniques of group and family therapy to the states within one person, a kind of "internal diplomacy". Emmerson's handbook includes negotiating among ego states and encouraging states into alternate roles, and sets as a goal being able to be open at one time and assertive at another. The practice draws on that diplomacy, aiming to resolve conflict between states rather than silence one of them.

Como fazer

1. Take two states you have already heard from (for example, the cautious one and the bold one).
2. Ask what each is trying to achieve for you, and when its way of working actually helps.
3. Draft an arrangement: when the cautious state leads (checking the details, money decisions) and when the bold one does (first conversations, pitching ideas).
4. Try it for a week and notice whether the old tug-of-war eases. Adjust the arrangement with both states in mind.

Evidência

Internal diplomacy and conflict resolution between states come from Helen Watkins's overview of the therapy; negotiation and alternate roles are named sections of Emmerson's handbook. The steps here are a simplified self-applied version of what the books describe a therapist doing, and they have not been tested. (anecdotal)

In the clinical method, states are reached under hypnosis with a therapist present, per the sources. On your own it works only with states you can already feel, and it is a planning exercise, not therapy.

Fontes

• Watkins, H. H. (1993). Ego-state therapy: An overview. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 35(4), 232-240.
• Emmerson, G. (2007). Ego State Therapy (first published 2003). Crown House Publishing.
• Watkins, J. G., & Watkins, H. H. (1997). Ego States: Theory and Therapy. W. W. Norton.

Erro comum

Calling it negotiation while really deciding in advance that one state must give in. If the arrangement only suits the state that already runs your life, the other state's concerns are still unheard.