Coaching practices for Adversarial Collaboration
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Adversarial Collaboration, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Nobody around me will actually push back
- We’re both dug into opposing positions and treating it like one of us has to lose, but this is someone I’ll keep working with and the outcome genuinely matters to both of us
- We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
- There’s a real call that has to be made right now with no time to build consensus, and I keep softening it and hedging to keep everyone happy
- Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
Practices that may help
- Invite an adversarial collaborator
Find someone whose genuine prior is the opposite of yours, and work together on the same evidence.
Confirmation Bias: Seeing What You Expect to See - Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Use Competing when speed or safety matters more than buy-in
Competing — high assertive, low cooperative — is appropriate when the decision is urgent, high-stakes, and not open for debate.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Productive Disagreement, Made Practical
Productive disagreement is possible when participants separate the goal of "winning" from the goal of reaching the best available conclusion. Research on epistemic practices suggests steel-manning, curiosity-before-rebuttal, and explicit norm-setting consistently reduce defensiveness and improve shared reasoning, though strong controlled trial evidence for most specific techniques is limited. - Ask "Are you willing to find a solution better than either of us has thought of?"
Open the conversation with a single question that resets both parties from adversaries to co-creators.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Engage in productive ideological conflict
Teams that avoid conflict don’t avoid disagreement — they bury it, where it grows into resentment and bad decisions.
The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Made Practical - Map what you actually agree on before diving into the disagreement
Start by explicitly building the shared map before marking where it diverges.
Productive Disagreement, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Cofounder Conflict
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
- Collaborative Conflict Culture
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
- How Do I Find Common Ground With A Coworker Who Thinks Very Differently From Myself
Start by explicitly building the shared map before marking where it diverges.
Map what you actually agree on before diving into the disagreement
- Seeking Guidance On Collaborative Targets With A Colleague Unaccustomed To Teamwork
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
- Collaborative Conflict Resolution
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
- Collaborative Problem Solving Ross Greene During Conflict
Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
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