Coaching practices for Seeking Guidance on Collaborative Targets with a Colleague Unaccustomed to Teamwork
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Seeking Guidance on Collaborative Targets with a Colleague Unaccustomed to Teamwork, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- We’re both dug into opposing positions and treating it like one of us has to lose, but this is someone I’ll keep working with and the outcome genuinely matters to both of us
- There’s a real call that has to be made right now with no time to build consensus, and I keep softening it and hedging to keep everyone happy
- Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
- The second either of us names a solution, the other instantly shoots it down with a counter
- Nobody around me will actually push back
Practices that may help
- Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Use Competing when speed or safety matters more than buy-in
Competing — high assertive, low cooperative — is appropriate when the decision is urgent, high-stakes, and not open for debate.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Define what success looks like together, before proposing solutions
Agree on the criteria a good solution must meet before either side proposes anything.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Invite an adversarial collaborator
Find someone whose genuine prior is the opposite of yours, and work together on the same evidence.
Confirmation Bias: Seeing What You Expect to See - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Align around collective results, not individual status
Teams fail when members prioritize their own visibility or department’s success over the shared goal.
The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Made Practical - Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Solve problems collaboratively to access your ZPD
Joint problem-solving with a peer or coach reveals capability you could not reach alone.
Zone of Proximal Development: Learning at Your Real Edge
Related concerns
- Adversarial Collaboration
Find someone whose genuine prior is the opposite of yours, and work together on the same evidence.
Invite an adversarial collaborator
- Cofounder Conflict
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
- Collaborative Conflict Culture
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
- Collaborative Problem Solving
Joint problem-solving with a peer or coach reveals capability you could not reach alone.
Solve problems collaboratively to access your ZPD
- Collaborative Problem Solving Ross Greene During Conflict
Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
- Collaborative Problem Solving Steps
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.