Coaching practices for Feel Like I M Failing My 11 Year Old Daughter
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Feel Like I M Failing My 11 Year Old Daughter, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My kid blows up over the same things again and again, and I keep calling it defiance or attitude
- Every time I put my foot down and insist, my kid blows up worse
- Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
- I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
- My kid and I agree on a fix and it sounds great in the moment, but a few days later it’s fallen apart again
Practices that may help
- Identify the lagging skill behind the behavior
Name the cognitive skill the child is missing, not the behavior you want to stop.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser) - Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Encourage the effort and the process, not the outcome
Encouragement builds inner confidence; outcome-praise creates dependency on adult evaluation.
Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs) - Refuse to energize negative behavior
Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser) - Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) - Praise process, not innate ability
Acknowledge effort, strategy, and choices rather than "you’re so smart".
Growth Mindset: The Honest Version - Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
Related concerns
- How Do I Deal With A Child That Refuses To Do A Chore Or Task
Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
- How To Deal With Teen Self Destructive Behavior And Complete Lack Of Sense Of Responsibility
Name the cognitive skill the child is missing, not the behavior you want to stop.
Identify the lagging skill behind the behavior
- Child Has Been Copying Aggressive Behavior Hitting Adults What Should I Do
Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
Refuse to energize negative behavior
- Explosive Child Method
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
- Explosive Child Strategies
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
- Found Loaded Gun After Son Threatened To Kill The Family
Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.