Coaching practices for How to Always Be True to Yourself and Others Too

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Always Be True to Yourself and Others Too, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I keep acting against what I say I value and breaking the small promises I make to myself, and each time I lose a little face with the one person I can never get away from
• I bend over backwards to be fair to everyone else and then quietly leave myself out of the equation entirely
• I want to be able to say the true thing in a hard conversation without either shrinking myself to keep them comfortable or steamrolling them to protect myself
• I keep swallowing what I actually want and going along to keep the peace, and every time I stay silent against my own wishes it quietly tells me my needs don’t matter
• I’m so used to managing how I come across that I’m not even sure people know the real me

Practices that may help

1. The practice of personal integrity
   Keep your behavior aligned with your stated values — match your walk to your talk.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
2. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
   Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
3. Practice congruent communication
   Say what you feel, about what you observe, while caring for both yourself and the other person.
   The Satir Model
4. The practice of self-assertiveness
   Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
5. Cultivate authenticity
   Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
   The Gifts of Imperfection, Made Practical
6. Live according to nature
   Act in accord with your rational nature and with the nature of the whole — not by instinct alone.
   Philosophy as a Way of Life
7. Build sincerity by saying only what you mean
   Only make commitments and assertions you actually believe — and retract the ones you don’t.
   The Trust Triangle
8. Always abide by the three principles
   Maintain your vow, don’t show off, and practise impartially with everyone — not just the people you like.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
9. FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
   Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
   DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
10. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
    Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
    Working With Your Inner Critic

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