Interpersonal Repair Protocol: 10 Evidence-Based Coaching Practices
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Interpersonal Repair Protocol, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
About 1 minute
Try it here: plan a small repair mid-conflict
Choose a small move you can make when tension rises, such as softening your tone, so the argument does not spiral.
Write a repair move you can use when things heat up.
Practices that may help
- Make small repairs during conflict -- not only big apologies after
A touch, a softer tone, a brief I love you mid-argument is repair -- use it.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships - Repair quickly and thoroughly
Don’t let injuries accumulate — repair within hours or days, not weeks.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships
A repair attempt is any move -- humor, an apology, a softened tone, a bid to take a break -- that tries to lower conflict tension before it spirals. John Gottman's research found that whether couples successfully made and accepted repair attempts was a key marker separating stable from distressed couples. It is not avoiding conflict that matters most; it is the ability to repair within it. - Accept imperfect repair attempts
Reject a clumsy repair attempt and you teach your partner to stop trying.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships - Treat conflict as maintenance, not maintenance failure
Repair well and quickly — because how you end conflict matters more than how you conduct it.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors - Build a shared repair vocabulary
Agree on repair phrases in advance so both partners recognize them when they land mid-conflict.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships - Make (and accept) repair attempts
A repair attempt is any bid to de-escalate — a joke, a softened tone, a hand reached out — and accepting one matters as much as making it.
Rupture and Repair - Repair explicitly after each cycle episode
Every cycle episode needs a deliberate closing repair — not just the fight ending.
The Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle, Explained - Reconnect emotionally before solving the issue
Restore the bond first; the problem is far easier to discuss from connection than from threat.
Rupture and Repair - Facilitated reconciliation circle
Bring all affected parties together with a neutral guide to name harm, ask forgiveness, and restore relationship.
Ho'oponopono: Hawaiian Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I keep waiting until the argument's over to make things right, and by then the damage is done
- After we fight we just let it sit for days with neither of us reaching out, and the hurt quietly piles up until I start reading even neutral things they do as another little jab
- When they try to make peace mid-fight with a joke or a softer tone, part of me wants to swat it away because it doesn't feel like enough
- I’ve started treating every fight we have as proof that something’s broken between us, and because we never really circle back to mend them afterward, each unfinished one chips away at all the good we’ve built
- In the heat of it I can never find the words to cool things down
Related concerns
- Interpersonal Repair
A touch, a softer tone, a brief I love you mid-argument is repair -- use it.
Make small repairs during conflict -- not only big apologies after
- Relationship Repair Prayer
A repair attempt is any move -- humor, an apology, a softened tone, a bid to take a break -- that tries to lower conflict tension before it spirals. John Gottman's research found that whether couples successfully made and accepted repair attempts was a key marker separating stable from distressed couples. It is not avoiding conflict that matters most; it is the ability to repair within it.
- How To Have A Repair Conversation
Reject a clumsy repair attempt and you teach your partner to stop trying.
Accept imperfect repair attempts
- How To Measure Repair Attempts In Texts
A repair attempt is any move -- humor, an apology, a softened tone, a bid to take a break -- that tries to lower conflict tension before it spirals. John Gottman's research found that whether couples successfully made and accepted repair attempts was a key marker separating stable from distressed couples. It is not avoiding conflict that matters most; it is the ability to repair within it.
- Pre Agreed Repair Couples
Agree on repair phrases in advance so both partners recognize them when they land mid-conflict.
Build a shared repair vocabulary
- Relationship Repair Language
A repair attempt is any bid to de-escalate — a joke, a softened tone, a hand reached out — and accepting one matters as much as making it.
Make (and accept) repair attempts
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