Yes Please: 10 Evidence-Based Coaching Practices
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Yes Please, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Practices that may help
- DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively
DEAR MAN — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill developed by Marsha Linehan. It structures requests and refusals so they are clear, non-aggressive, and effective, balancing getting what you need with preserving the relationship. The evidence base is embedded in the broader DBT clinical literature. - Micro-celebration ritual for others' wins
Create a brief, sincere celebration response whenever someone shares good news.
Mudita: How to Cultivate Sympathetic Joy - Keep the second request related to the first
The foot-in-the-door effect is strongest when the small and large asks share a category.
The Foot-in-the-Door Technique, Made Practical - Respond active-constructively
Meet good news with genuine, engaged enthusiasm — ask questions and savor it together.
Active-Constructive Responding, Made Practical - Start with a minimal, easy-to-agree request
The first ask should be small enough that virtually anyone would say yes.
The Foot-in-the-Door Technique, Made Practical - I — Investigate with gentle, curious attention
Bring kind curiosity to the emotion: Where is it in the body? What does it most need?
RAIN Meditation: Tara Brach’s Four-Step Practice - Identify and exit contagious time traps
Some commitments multiply — each yes generates three new asks — and identifying them is the first line of defense.
Time Smart: Buying Back Your Time Affluence - DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
Dialectical Behavior Therapy’s interpersonal effectiveness module gives concrete skills for asking for what you need, saying no, and managing conflict — without sacrificing either your objectives or the relationship. The DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST acronyms operationalize three distinct goals (getting results, keeping the relationship, keeping self-respect) that often pull in different directions. DBT as a whole has strong RCT evidence; the interpersonal module is integral to that evidence base. - Enable grayscale display mode on your phone
Turn your phone screen to black and white — this reduces the visual reward signal that drives compulsive checking.
Grayscale Phone Mode and Behavioral Design - Invite the release — do not force it
Ask the exile if it is ready to release the burden, and trust its pace.
IFS Unburdening, Made Practical
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- When someone close to me shares great news, I give a flat "oh nice" and steer the talk back to myself
- They happily agreed to the little thing, so I figured the bigger ask was in the bag
- When someone I love is excited about something, I want to actually light up with them and draw it out instead of just saying “nice” and moving on
- There’s a big thing I want someone to agree to and I know if I ask straight out they’ll say no
- There’s this feeling sitting in me and I can feel it in my body, but I don’t really get what it’s about or what it wants from me, and I want to get curious about it instead of just analyzing myself.
Related concerns
- Abc Please Dbt Handout
Behavioral chain analysis (BCA), a core DBT skill developed by Marsha Linehan, maps every link in the chain of events — from the original vulnerability through the triggering event, thoughts, feelings, and actions — that led to a problem behavior. By making the chain visible, BCA reveals multiple points where the sequence could have been broken, turning a post-hoc autopsy into a concrete prevention plan.
- Accepts Skill Dbt
DBT is a skills-based approach built around a balance — accepting yourself as you are while working to change — taught through four skill sets: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. It has strong randomized-trial support, particularly for chronic emotion dysregulation and self-harm.
- Acting Opposite Dbt
Opposite action is a DBT skill: when an emotion does not fit the facts or acting on it would not help, you deliberately do the opposite of what it urges — approach what fear says to avoid, engage when depression says to withdraw. It works because behavior feeds back into emotion, so changing the action gradually changes the feeling. It is an established clinical technique used here as an everyday regulation skill, not a substitute for treatment of serious mental-health conditions.
- Adapting To Good News
Resist the urge to immediately point out risks or downsides to good news.
Avoid active-destructive responding
- Advice Dependency Management
When people come to you for every decision, it signals advice-giving is making them less capable, not more.
Break the advice-dependency loop
- Assertive Communication Skills Dbt
DEAR MAN — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill developed by Marsha Linehan. It structures requests and refusals so they are clear, non-aggressive, and effective, balancing getting what you need with preserving the relationship. The evidence base is embedded in the broader DBT clinical literature.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.