Soothe the hurting self from the other chair
When the pain is very raw, sit in the second chair as a caring presence and speak kindly to the part that is suffering.
Warum es wirkt
Emotion-focused therapists also use the two chairs for compassionate self-soothing: the person speaks from one chair to the hurting part of themselves in the other, offering the care it did not get. A conversation-analysis study of this task found that therapists help clients move into a self-soothing frame and out again, and that the soothing took the form of self-praise, expressions of caring and helpful advice. Being spoken to warmly, in your own voice, gives the suffering side an experience the critic cannot provide.
So gehst du vor
- Put the part of you that is hurting in one chair; picture it as clearly as you can.
- Sit in the other chair and ask: what does this part of me need to hear right now?
- Speak to it as "you": say something you value about it, that you care about what it is going through, and what might help.
- Switch back and notice how it is to receive that. Say out loud what lands and what does not.
Evidenz
Sutherland, Peräkylä and Elliott analysed the two-chair self-soothing task in emotion-focused therapy with seven clients, describing how therapists set up the task and how clients carried it out through self-praise, disclosing caring and offering advice. It is a descriptive study of how the task is done, not a test of whether it works. (clinical)
No outcome trial of the self-soothing task itself was found. Compassion-focused therapy uses related chair work with a compassionate self; its evidence supports this by analogy only. If soothing the hurting part brings up grief or memories that feel overwhelming, stop and continue with a trained therapist.
Quellen
- Sutherland, O., Peräkylä, A., & Elliott, R. (2014). Conversation analysis of the two-chair self-soothing task in emotion-focused therapy. Psychotherapy Research, 24(6), 738-751.
- Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings. American Psychological Association.
Häufiger Fehler
Turning soothing into advice or reassurance that the problem is not real ("it's fine, stop being silly"). That is the critic in a kinder voice; the soothing in the research included caring about the pain itself.
Übe das mit IX Coach
Weitere Übungen für Two-Chair Dialogue: Working With the Inner Critic and Other Inner Splits
- Find the split and give each side a chair
Catch the moment one part of you is judging or pressuring another, and set the two sides apart in two chairs.
- Let the critic speak in full, to your face
Sit in the critic's chair and say its criticisms out loud, directly and specifically, to the other chair.
- Answer from the other chair with what you feel and need
Move to the criticized side's chair and tell the critic how its words land, then what you need from it.
- Stay with the dialogue until the critic softens
Return to the critic's chair and respond to the need, watching for a shift from contempt to care or fear.
- Use two chairs for a decision you keep going back and forth on
Give each side of a stuck decision its own chair and let them speak to each other until the deadlock shifts.
- Act out how you stop yourself feeling
When you shut down a feeling before it arrives, play the part that does the stopping, then answer it from the other chair.
Verwandte Konzepte
- Schattenarbeit
Den Teilen von dir begegnen, die du bisher ignoriert hast
- The Empty Chair Technique: Finishing What Was Never Said
Speaking directly to the person you still carry, so the old feelings can finally move
- Mit Ihrem inneren Kritiker arbeiten
Praktische Methoden, den inneren Kritiker zu erkennen, zu verstehen und zu entschärfen
- Compassion-Focused Therapy: Den inneren Kritiker beruhigen
Evolutionspsychologie, das Drei-Kreise-Modell und ein mitfühlendes Selbst entwickeln