Write their account in their own voice

Tell the story of the disagreement in the first person as the other person, using the words they would use.

Por qué funciona

The second-person move is not imagining how you would feel in their place; it is adopting their point of view as theirs. Writing in their "I" forces you to supply their reasons, history and concerns rather than your summary of them. In laboratory experiments, instructed perspective-taking reduced stereotyping and in-group favoritism, partly by increasing the overlap people felt between themselves and the other person.

Cómo hacerlo

1. Write one paragraph that begins "I" — as the other person — describing what happened and why it matters to them.
2. Use their vocabulary and their priorities, not your translation of them.
3. Include one thing they would say about you that you would rather not hear.
4. Mark every sentence you are guessing at. Those are the questions to ask them later.

Evidencia

In three experiments, Galinsky and Moskowitz (2000) found that perspective-taking decreased stereotypic bias and in-group favoritism and increased overlap between representations of self and other. But imagining another’s view is not the same as knowing it: across 25 experiments, Eyal, Steffel and Epley (2018) found that instructions to adopt another’s perspective did not consistently improve accuracy about their thoughts and feelings, and if anything decreased it. (mechanistic)

Both studies are laboratory experiments, not tests of this writing exercise. The exercise can soften how you see the other person without making your picture of them more accurate — which is why it is paired with asking.

Fuentes

• Galinsky, A. D., & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708–724.
• Eyal, T., Steffel, M., & Epley, N. (2018). Perspective mistaking: Accurately understanding the mind of another requires getting perspective, not taking perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(4), 547–571.

Error común

Treating the paragraph as what they think. It is your best model of them, and the research on perspective-taking says that model is often wrong in ways that feel convincing.