Retelling one disagreement from the other side
Write your position on one unsettled disagreement, then write theirs well enough that they would recognise it as their own.
Por qué funciona
Mallery and Mallery (2022) separate perspective-taking items into a factor they call Defended Truth, which captures discomfort with perspectives very different from one’s own, and an Understanding Others factor that treats others’ views as central. They describe “Open to Family Difference” as a key element of perspective taking at higher stages. Writing the other position in its own terms practices the move from defending a truth to understanding someone else’s.
Cómo hacerlo
- Pick one disagreement with someone close to you that you have not settled.
- Write your position in three sentences.
- Write their position in three sentences, in language they would accept as accurate.
- Name the one thing their position protects that yours does not.
- Mark the sentence where you felt the pull to defend your own truth, and write what that pull was guarding.
Evidencia
The perspective-taking distinction comes from the factor structure Mallery and Mallery (2022) report for their measurement scale. The writing exercise is an inference from that structure and has not been tested. (mechanistic)
The factor items are self-report questionnaire responses from a US college and online-panel sample. The authors present them as correlates of stage, not as a way to change perspective taking.
Fuentes
Error común
Writing their side as a weaker version of yours so it is easy to dismiss. The exercise only works when the other person would read it and say, “yes, that is my position.”
Practica esto con IX Coach
Más prácticas para James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, Made Practical
- Faith timeline: mapping what you trusted at each age
Draw your life as one line and mark, age by age, what you trusted to make sense of things and where that trust changed hands.
- Centers of value: answering the four questions in writing
Write down what you give your life to, who you are committed to in life and death, what you hope for, and who you share your most sacred hopes with.
- Master stories: naming the story you were handed about how life works
Write the story you live by, and name who or what you picture holding the final say when things go wrong.
- Mapping the circle of people you feel close to
List the people you feel most responsible to and close to, and mark which of them hold a belief or value that differs from yours.
- Holding two frames at once without picking a winner
Name the two ways of making sense of one question that both feel partly true right now, and write what each one still gets right.
- Talking with someone about a conviction you do not share
Ask someone who holds a conviction you do not share what it protects for them, repeat their answer back until they say it is right, then say what you still hold.
- Asking whether an old frame still fits this moment
When you notice yourself reaching for a belief you were raised with, ask whether it fits the situation in front of you, and write what the situation actually needs.
Conceptos relacionados
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- Ego Development Theory: What It Is and How It Is Measured
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- Spiral Dynamics, Aplicado en la Práctica
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- The Self-Transforming Mind: Kegan’s Fifth Order, Made Practical
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- The Construct-Aware and Unitive Stages of Adult Development
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- Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory (AQAL), Made Practical
Five elements for catching what your view of a situation leaves out, held as a map rather than a truth