Let the critic speak in full, to your face

Sit in the critic's chair and say its criticisms out loud, directly and specifically, to the other chair.

Perché funziona

In Greenberg and Webster's study of decisional conflict, the first component of resolution was the plain expression of criticism by one part of the personality. Speaking the critic's words as "you" statements to the other chair makes them specific and audible, and brings out the tone they are said in, which is often contempt. This is the opposite of suppressing the critic: the criticism has to be heard clearly before the criticized side can feel its impact and answer it.

Come farlo

1. From the critic's chair, speak to the empty chair opposite as "you": "You are lazy. You always give up."
2. Make it specific: what exactly does the critic say you did wrong, and what does it predict will happen?
3. Notice how it speaks (sneering, cold, tired, frightened) and let your voice and posture show that.
4. Stop when the main message is clear, then move to the other chair before answering.

Prove scientifiche

Greenberg and Webster followed 31 clients through a six-week programme of two-chair dialogue for a decision. Clients who resolved the conflict showed three in-session components: the critic's criticism was expressed, the other side expressed feelings and wants, and the critic softened. Resolvers were less undecided and less anxious afterwards. The critic's voicing as the first step is also how the 1993 manual sets out the task. (observational)

This is a process-outcome comparison of people who did and did not resolve, not a randomized test of this step. Voicing the critic is the beginning of the method, not the method; stopping here only rehearses the attack. Saying harsh words out loud can hit hard: if you feel flooded, lose track of where you are, or images will not settle, stop. If voicing the critic leaves you more convinced by it rather than able to hear it as one voice, stop and do this work with a trained therapist.

Fonti

• Greenberg, L. S., & Webster, M. C. (1982). Resolving decisional conflict by Gestalt two-chair dialogue: Relating process to outcome. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 29(5), 468-477.
• Greenberg, L. S., Rice, L. N., & Elliott, R. (1993). Facilitating Emotional Change: The Moment-by-Moment Process. Guilford Press. (Ch. 10, Two Chair Dialogue at a Self-Evaluative Split; Ch. 11, Two Chair Enactment for Self-Interruption Split.)

Errore comune

Answering the critic from the critic's own chair, or softening its words as you say them. Keep the chairs separate, and let the critic be as harsh as it actually is, so the other side has something real to respond to.