Name the need they never met

Tell the person in the chair what you needed from them and did not get.

なぜ効果があるのか

Underneath the hurt and anger is usually a need: to be protected, seen, valued, comforted. In the Emotion-Focused Therapy model, expressing that need directly to the other, and asserting that it was legitimate, is a turning point: the person stops only protesting what happened and claims what they were entitled to. That shift from complaint to need is one of the features that most clearly separated people who resolved their unfinished business from those who did not.

やり方

1. After saying the anger and the hurt, ask yourself: what did I need from you that I did not get?
2. Say it to the chair in a plain sentence: "I needed you to ___."
3. Add: "I deserved that." Notice what happens in your body as you say it.
4. If the need feels too exposed to say, say that instead: "It is hard to even tell you I needed this."

エビデンス

In Greenberg and Malcolm's 2002 study of 26 clients in emotion-focused therapy with empty-chair dialogues, those who expressed previously unmet interpersonal needs to the significant other, and showed a shift in their view of the other, had significantly better outcomes, and this process predicted outcome better than the working alliance did. A 2026 systematic review describes asserting entitlement to unmet needs as central to the task. (observational)

The finding is correlational and comes from a small sample in therapy; it shows that expressing the need goes with resolution, not that saying it on cue produces it. Needs from early in life can bring up more than expected. If what comes up leaves you flooded, losing track of where you are, or with images that will not settle, stop and continue this work with a trained therapist.

出典

• Greenberg, L. S., & Malcolm, W. (2002). Resolving unfinished business: Relating process to outcome. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 70(2), 406-416.
• Ottingerová, L., Halamová, J., & Szitás, D. (2026). Experiential therapies including Chairwork: A systematic review of randomized controlled trials. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1692630.
• Elliott, R., Watson, J. C., Goldman, R. N., & Greenberg, L. S. (2004). Learning Emotion-Focused Therapy: The Process-Experiential Approach to Change. American Psychological Association.

よくある間違い

Turning the need into another accusation ("You should have been there"). A need is about you and what you required; said that way, it tends to soften rather than harden the dialogue.