Write letters between two of your states
Let one state write to another, then let the other write back.
Why it works
Torem describes therapeutic writing as a form of ego-state therapy: letters to oneself used as internal communication between ego states that were not fully aware of each other or were locked in destructive power struggles. He argues that expressing thoughts, feelings and urges in writing moves them from primary-process activity toward more mature, secondary-process functioning, and that the method uses the person's own internal resources.
How to do it
- Choose two states that pull against each other (the one that wants to rest and the one that drives you).
- Write a short letter from the first to the second: what it wants, what it is tired of, what it is afraid of.
- On another day, write the reply from the second state, in its own voice.
- After two or three exchanges, read them together and note anything the two states agree on.
Evidence
Drawn from Torem's 1993 paper in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, which presents letter writing between ego states as a method within therapy. It is a clinical description, not a controlled study. (anecdotal)
If a letter opens up feelings that overwhelm you, or you lose your sense of the present while writing, stop and bring the letters to a trained therapist rather than continuing alone.
Sources
Common mistake
Letting one state write and the other only be lectured. The method is an exchange; if only the sensible state ever writes, the state you are trying to understand never gets heard.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for Ego State Therapy: The Different Selves You Shift Between
- Map the states you shift between in an ordinary week
List the distinct versions of yourself that show up in different settings, and what each is good at.
- Hear "part of me" as two states that disagree
When you catch yourself saying "part of me wants to", name both states and what each one wants.
- Notice what cues a younger, older-feeling state
Track the situations that bring forward a state whose reaction feels much older than the moment, without trying to dig into it alone.
- Give two disagreeing states a chair each
Let each of two conflicting states speak from its own seat, so they can hear each other.
- Negotiate a role for each state instead of silencing one
Look for an arrangement in which each conflicting state has a place, at the right time.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical
The parts model, the mechanisms behind it, and an honest read on an emerging evidence base
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed
- Transactional Analysis: The Parent, Adult and Child in Every Conversation
Hearing which part of you is talking, which part of them is answering, and why some conversations always end the same way
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