Write in detail about the future you lost and the one you have now
After a major life change, describe both the future self you lost and the future self you are building, in vivid detail.
Por que funciona
A study of women after long marriages ended found two different patterns. Dwelling on the lost future went with lower well-being, while the detail with which a woman could describe her lost and her found future selves was linked with ego development, including two years later. The authors suggest that while happiness may require not dwelling on what might have been, maturity may require an awareness of adulthood’s losses. Writing both selves out in detail is a way to look at the loss fully, then turn toward what is being built.
Como fazer
- Write a detailed description of the future you expected before the change: where you would live, who would be there, what an ordinary day would look like.
- Let it be as specific as you can. Notice what you grieve and what, honestly, you do not.
- On a separate day, write an equally detailed description of the future you can see now.
- Compare the two. What did the lost future give you that you still want, and where else might it come from?
- Then put the lost-future page away. The point is to look at it fully, not to keep returning to it.
Evidência
King and Raspin (2004) studied divorced women who had been married for an average of 22 years. The salience of the lost possible self was negatively related to well-being and the salience of the current possible self positively related. Elaboration (vivid detail) of the found possible self was associated with ego development at the time and two years later, and elaboration of the lost self, in interaction with time since divorce, predicted ego development, controlling for age and earlier ego development. (observational)
One correlational study of one kind of loss, with the lost-self narratives written in retrospect. It does not show that the writing exercise causes development, and returning to a loss too often can lower well-being.
Fontes
Erro comum
Turning the lost-future description into daily rumination. In the study, keeping the lost self salient went with lower well-being; the detailed look is done once or occasionally, then set down.
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Mais práticas para Ego Development Theory: What It Is and How It Is Measured
- Trace one shift through all four strands
Take one way you have changed and look for it in how you handle impulses, relate to people, see yourself, and think.
- Ask where each rule you live by comes from
For the rules that run your life, notice which ones you were handed and which ones you have chosen to keep.
- Journal with open sentence stems — and do not score yourself
Finish your own open-ended sentence beginnings in writing to hear the frame you make meaning from, without rating it.
- Understand what the sentence completion test actually reads
Before you trust or dismiss an ego development score, learn how it is produced and what it can and cannot say.
- Keep maturity, intelligence and happiness apart
Treat ego development, being clever, and feeling good as three different things that each need their own attention.
- Write your big goals as growth stories — for understanding and for connection
Describe your major life goals in narrative form, and check whether they include growing in understanding as well as in feeling good and close to others.
- Hold ego development without ranking people
Use what you learn about ego development to understand people, never to sort them by worth.
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