Say "something in me" instead of "I am"
Change "I am angry" to "I'm sensing something in me that feels angry", so you can be with the feeling instead of being it.
Por que funciona
Cornell and McGavin teach that a person who says "I am scared" is merged, or identified, with the part that feels scared, so there is no one left over to keep it company. Presence language changes the sentence: "I'm sensing…" puts you in the position of the whole self who notices, and "something in me…" puts the feeling in the position of something you notice, without pushing it away. Their manual makes this an explicit step (change "I feel…" to "Something in me feels…"), and The Power of Focusing already suggested "Part of me is sad" in place of "I am sad".
Como fazer
- When you notice a strong feeling, catch the sentence you are using for it, such as "I am so frustrated."
- Change it to "Something in me feels frustrated", then to "I'm sensing something in me that feels frustrated."
- Say it slowly, silently or aloud, and notice whether there is now a little room between you and the feeling.
- Describe how it feels with an adjective ("feeling afraid") rather than a noun ("the fear"), as Cornell and McGavin suggest, so it stays a living state rather than a fixed thing.
Evidência
Presence language is the signature move of Inner Relationship Focusing. It is set out as a step in Cornell and McGavin's manual and described in their 2008 overview, and The Power of Focusing teaches "part of me" in its place. No study of this phrasing was found. Related research comes from a different tradition: in seven studies (585 participants in total), Kross and colleagues found that referring to yourself with non-first-person language during introspection increased self-distancing, and that people who did so showed less distress in stressful social tasks. (anecdotal)
The self-talk studies tested using your own name or "you", not "something in me", so they are evidence by analogy only. IRF also aims to stay in contact with the feeling, which those studies did not measure.
Fontes
- Cornell, A. W., & McGavin, B. (2002). The Focusing Student's and Companion's Manual, Part One. Calluna Press.
- Cornell, A. W., & McGavin, B. (2008). Inner Relationship Focusing. Focusing Folio, 21(1).
- Cornell, A. W. (1996). The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing. New Harbinger Publications.
- Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304-324.
Erro comum
Using "something in me" to hold a feeling at arm's length and talk about it from far away. Cornell and McGavin treat pushing a feeling away as just as much a loss of Presence as being swept up in it; the phrase is meant to make room to turn toward the feeling.
Pratique isso com IX Coach
Mais práticas para Inner Relationship Focusing: Being With the Parts of You That Feel
- Say hello to the part that pushes back against a feeling
When a reaction such as impatience or "not this again" rises against a feeling, say hello to that reaction as well, so it is acknowledged rather than pushing the feeling out of view.
- Keep it company with interested curiosity
Check whether it is all right to be with what you feel, then sit with it the way you would sit with a frightened child: no pushing, no fixing.
- Sense how it feels from its point of view
Shift from how the feeling seems to you to how things seem to it: what it feels, and what its mood is.
- Invite what it does not want to happen
Invite a stuck feeling or reaction to let you know what it does not want to happen to you; underneath there is often something it is protecting.
- Be with the inner critic and the part it criticizes
Instead of fighting the critic or collapsing under it, sense both the critic and the part being criticized as something in you, each in its own space.
- Notice when you have merged with a part or are pushing one away
Recognize the two ways of losing Presence — becoming the part, or shutting it out — and come back to being the one who can be with both.
- Take turns with a Focusing companion
Trade time with a partner: one person focuses and leads, the other keeps them company by saying back what they hear.
Conceitos relacionados
- Focusing e o Senso Sentido, de Forma Prática
Ouvindo o conhecimento pré-verbal do corpo — os seis passos e seus mecanismos
- Trabalho de Sombra
Encontrando as partes de si mesmo que você tem ignorado
- Sistema de Família Interna (IFS), na Prática
O modelo de partes, os mecanismos por trás dele e uma leitura honesta de uma base de evidência emergente
- Voice Dialogue: Meeting the Selves That Run Your Life
Hearing the pusher, the pleaser and the critic in their own voices, so they stop running you unnoticed