Coaching practices for How to Find Common Ground

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Find Common Ground, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
• I meet people I want to befriend but our talk stays stuck on jobs and weekend plans
• This disagreement feels total, like we’re on completely opposite sides of everything, and it’s gotten tense
• We’re treating this like a fight when actually we both want the same outcome
• We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares

Practices that may help

1. Find mutual purpose
   Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
   Crucial Conversations, Made Practical
2. Surface genuine shared values and experiences early
   Finding real common ground accelerates liking more than surface-level agreement.
   The Similarity-Attraction Effect (Donn Byrne)
3. Map what you actually agree on before diving into the disagreement
   Start by explicitly building the shared map before marking where it diverges.
   Productive Disagreement, Made Practical
4. Identify compatible interests for joint gain
   When both sides care about the same thing — quality, reputation, timing — agreements that serve that shared interest outperform splits.
   Interests vs. Positions: The Core of Integrative Negotiation
5. Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
   Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
6. Ask "Are you willing to find a solution better than either of us has thought of?"
   Open the conversation with a single question that resets both parties from adversaries to co-creators.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
7. Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ
   Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
   The Shared Meaning System
8. Make the third alternative tangible with a prototype or model
   Turn an abstract third-alternative idea into something both parties can react to together.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
9. Model synergy: ask "what would a solution have to look like to address both?"
   Use the agreed criteria as a design brief and generate solutions that meet all of them.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
10. Separate the person from the problem
    Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical

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