Coaching practices for Self Respect Through Values

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Self Respect Through Values, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When the pressure builds in a conversation, I cave on something I actually believe in just to make the discomfort stop
• I keep acting against what I say I value and breaking the small promises I make to myself, and each time I lose a little face with the one person I can never get away from
• I keep swallowing what I actually want and going along to keep the peace, and every time I stay silent against my own wishes it quietly tells me my needs don’t matter
• I "won" the argument — I got exactly what I was after — but I walked away with a sour feeling, because I got it by needling them and bending the truth, and I’m realizing whether I got my way isn’t actually the question I should be asking; it’s whether I can respect how I behaved to get it.
• I walk away from conflicts having caved again

Practices that may help

1. Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you
   Before compromising a position, check whether the compromise conflicts with a core value — and hold if it does.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
2. The practice of personal integrity
   Keep your behavior aligned with your stated values — match your walk to your talk.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
3. The practice of self-assertiveness
   Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
4. FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
   FAST — Fair, Apologies (no unnecessary ones), Stick to values, Truthful — is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill developed by Marsha Linehan for maintaining self-respect in relationships. While DEAR MAN aims for getting what you need and GIVE aims for relationship health, FAST targets the internal cost: whether you feel like yourself and respect yourself after the interaction.
5. Use self-respect as the outcome measure — not just whether you got what you wanted
   After any difficult interaction, ask: "Do I respect myself for how I showed up?" — not just "did I win?"
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
6. FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
   Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
   DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
7. Values clarification: what matters most to you?
   Identify 3–5 core values — not what you should value, but what actually matters when life is stripped back.
   Values-Based Action (ACT), Made Practical
8. Use the eulogy / future-self lens
   Imagine how you’d want to be remembered to reveal the values you’d defend most.
   Values Clarification, Made Practical
9. Map your value hierarchy
   Rank what you most value so you can draw on the strongest affirmation when you need it.
   Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical
10. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
    Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
    FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships

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