Coaching für die Herausforderungen, die Menschen wirklich mitbringen (page 106)

Speak shame before you act from it · Name shame when it is happening · Share shame with someone safe + 7 more

Schedule deliberate recovery intervals throughout the day · Audit your resilience account regularly · Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation + 7 more

Check reversibility before you fear the downside · Name the values the regret is about · Treat your decision as more final than it is + 7 more

Use "take the best": choose on your single most informative cue · Batch low-stakes decisions to reduce decision fatigue · Set default rules for willpower-intense situations + 7 more

T — Take a Step Back: Create Physical and Mental Space · Reduce emotional vulnerability (PLEASE) · Observe the emotion without feeding it + 7 more

Distinguish passive from active social media use · Replace passive scrolling with active, intentional social media use · Distinguish between content consumption and genuine connection + 7 more

Build one social-media-free day per week into the cap framework · Designate 2-3 scheduled checking windows per day · Schedule regular offline periods to interrupt the comparison exposure cycle + 7 more

Track your actual usage for one week before capping · Replace passive scrolling with active, intentional social media use · Restrict social media to scheduled daily access windows + 7 more

Build one social-media-free day per week into the cap framework · Conduct a quarterly unfollow audit · Track your actual usage for one week before capping + 7 more

Reframe the decision around the same reference point · Design decisions to be reversible where possible · Check reversibility before you fear the downside + 7 more

Shift from negative to positive orientation toward uncertainty · Directly challenge the belief that uncertainty equals danger · Update incrementally as evidence arrives rather than waiting for certainty + 7 more

Understanding the night as purgative rather than punitive · Accepting passive purification: not trying to fix it · Continuing ordinary duty and practice without consolation + 7 more

Regulate the level of distress in the system · Pendulation: moving between states gently · Co-regulation (borrow a calmer nervous system) + 7 more

Identify the reinforcing and balancing loops · Strengthen corrective loops and weaken runaway ones · Interrupt runaway negative feedback loops before they become self-reinforcing + 7 more

Treat relapse as a predictable part of the process, not a failure · Treat a lapse as data, not failure · Track your temptation-to-confidence ratio + 7 more

Give something genuine before you ask for something hard · Receive every suggestion with only "thank you" · Choose the right moment and setting for feedback + 7 more

Mindfulness and Wise Mind · Orient toward another person’s need · Apply the love map in small daily moments + 7 more

Use progressive relaxation to lower resting arousal · Release-only relaxation: drop the tension phase · Anchor attention on a repeated focus word + 7 more

Invite new qualities in after the release · Invite the release — do not force it · Unburdening + 7 more

Invite new qualities in after the release · Tend to unburdened parts over time · Use an imaginal release that fits the part + 7 more

Restrict social media to scheduled daily access windows · Conduct a quarterly unfollow audit · Strip out the attention-capturing features + 7 more

Redesign your home screen as a tool, not a feed · Remove social and entertainment app icons from the home screen · Remove all social and news triggers from your home screen + 7 more

Interrogate whether similarity is doing the work · Revise global beliefs when they are genuinely wrong · The Representativeness Heuristic — Judging by Resemblance + 7 more

Prime identity before the ask — "what kind of person are you?" · Activate unity — shared identity before the message · Keep the same person making both requests + 7 more

Negotiate: know your minimum and be willing to give and take · Propose a post-settlement settlement to optimize an agreed deal · Use a post-settlement settlement to improve a deal after agreement + 7 more

Reframe stalled goals as redirections, not failures · Recover from setbacks without quitting the goal · Fresh Start Framing: Engineering Your Own Clean Slate + 7 more

Grit: Passion and Perseverance, Honestly Assessed · Recover from setbacks without quitting the goal · Choose consistency over intensity + 7 more

Audit your resilience account regularly · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical · Audit your current resource base + 7 more

The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical · Audit your resilience account regularly · Building Resilience, Made Practical + 7 more

Building Resilience, Made Practical · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical · Invest in social resources as the highest-return resilience investment + 7 more

Building Resilience, Made Practical · Protect the physiological basics · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical + 7 more

Building Resilience, Made Practical · Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation · Plan for obstacles with coping plans + 7 more

Access positive emotion during adversity, not after · Building Resilience, Made Practical · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical + 7 more

Coping Questions · Building Resilience, Made Practical · Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation + 7 more

Building Resilience, Made Practical · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical · Invest in social resources as the highest-return resilience investment + 7 more

Audit your resilience account regularly · Building Resilience, Made Practical · The Resilience Bank Account, Made Practical + 7 more

Schedule deliberate recovery intervals throughout the day · Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation · Building Resilience, Made Practical + 7 more

Receive others’ shame with empathy, not advice or sympathy · Use empathy — not sympathy — to interrupt shame in others · Share shame with someone safe + 7 more

Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation · Protect the physiological basics · Schedule deliberate recovery intervals throughout the day + 7 more

Match your self-care to what your current season demands · Attention Restoration in Nature · Actively restore the ratio after a major rupture + 7 more

Aim for reintegration, not permanent labeling · Shame vs. Guilt: Why the Distinction Changes Everything · Build shame resilience by naming and sharing it + 7 more

Restudy decision protocol · Score decision quality separately from outcome quality · Set default rules for willpower-intense situations + 7 more

Evaluate decisions by process, not outcome · Judge decisions by the process, not the result · Apply the outcome equivalence test + 7 more

Discipline your inflation adjustments · Use a flexible withdrawal strategy instead of rigid 4% · Calculate your FIRE number + 7 more

Use the someday list as a values barometer · Values clarification through lived evidence · The forced-rank sort + 7 more

Check reversibility before you fear the downside · Design decisions to be reversible where possible · Classify every decision as one-way or two-way before starting + 7 more

Riding the emotion wave with anicca awareness · Ride the Wave (Urge Management), Made Practical · Mindfulness of the current emotion + 7 more

Riding the emotion wave with anicca awareness · Ride the Wave (Urge Management), Made Practical · Mindfulness of the current emotion + 7 more

Right mindfulness — the four foundations of awareness · Shamatha: The Buddhist Practice of Calm Abiding · The counterpart sign (patibhaga nimitta) + 7 more

Right mindfulness — the four foundations of awareness · The attitudes of mindfulness · Metta at the close — sharing merit and goodwill + 7 more

Ambiguity Aversion — Why Unknown Odds Feel Worse Than Bad Odds · Separate “the world is uncertain here” from “I don’t know enough yet” · Distinguish risk from ambiguity before reacting + 7 more

Use maximin reasoning for high-stakes, irreversible decisions under ambiguity · Distinguish risk from ambiguity before reacting · Ambiguity Aversion — Why Unknown Odds Feel Worse Than Bad Odds + 7 more

Dunbar's Number · Use shared activities rather than conversation alone to build bonds · Prioritize depth over breadth in social investment + 7 more

Separate “the world is uncertain here” from “I don’t know enough yet” · Distinguish risk from ambiguity before reacting · Ambiguity Aversion — Why Unknown Odds Feel Worse Than Bad Odds + 7 more

Make core values operational, not decorative · Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ · The values–behavior gap check + 7 more

Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person · Write a brief final accounting · Reconstruct your identity post-loss + 7 more

Expand your role through extra-role behavior · Build meaning through contribution rather than achievement (meaning pillar) · Clarify how your role contributes to others + 7 more

Reconstruct your identity post-loss · Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person · Anchor self-definition in values, not roles + 7 more

Apply the experiential processes early, behavioral ones later · Use social opportunity — others who make the behavior normal · Borrow an identity temporarily by asking "what would [person] do?" + 7 more

Sabbath: A Weekly Day of Rest · Make space for meaning and the sacred · The Digital Sabbath + 7 more

Bring contemplative attention to ordinary moments · The last ordinary moment · Treat every act as an offering — however mundane + 7 more

Ventral Vagal Activation: Accessing the Safe-and-Social State · Ventral vagal state mapping · Polyvagal Theory, Honestly Explained + 7 more

Practice soft, warm eye contact · Eyes-open intimacy: contact without merger · Lead with your eyes — use the face as a regulator + 7 more

Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, Made Practical · Titrate: start with shorter, shallower practice and increase slowly · Recognize activation signals during practice + 7 more

Create safety for an honest account before expecting one · Crucial Accountability: Holding People to Commitments That Matter · Accountability Partners + 7 more

Use the door-in-the-face structure in salary and price negotiations · The Door-in-the-Face Technique, Made Practical · Make the first offer (when you’re informed) + 7 more

Santosha: The Practice of Contentment · Distinguishing acceptance from resignation · Examining the desire before chasing it + 7 more

Savoring: Getting More From the Good · Savoring the Moment, Made Practical · Savor existing goods before pursuing more + 7 more

Savoring the Moment, Made Practical · Savor existing goods before pursuing more · Savoring: Getting More From the Good + 7 more

The raisin exercise and mini-meal meditation · Savoring the Moment, Made Practical · Savor existing goods before pursuing more + 7 more

Gratitude and acknowledgment before meals · The attitudes of mindfulness · Choosing and using a sacred word + 7 more

Ensure your yeses come from genuine willingness, not fear · The graceful no · Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you + 7 more

Plan for obstacles with coping plans · Enumerate scenarios and their probabilities before deciding · Run a mental simulation before committing to a course of action + 7 more

Values-based scheduling · Audit your time against your values · Make core values operational, not decorative + 7 more

Design for resilience, not just peak efficiency · Build resources proactively during good periods as inoculation · Build buffer stocks for resilience + 7 more

Audit your time against your values · Rank your top values · Values-based scheduling + 7 more

Schedule three-per-day as anchors, not only emergencies · The three-minute breathing space · Informal everyday mindfulness + 7 more

Designate 2-3 scheduled checking windows per day · Build one social-media-free day per week into the cap framework · Restrict social media to scheduled daily access windows + 7 more

Schedule social contact as a priority activity · Restrict social media to scheduled daily access windows · Build buffer blocks into the ideal week + 7 more

The Scout Mindset · Cultivate a scout identity: "I’m the kind of person who updates" · Hold beliefs as estimates, not identity commitments + 7 more

Track your actual usage for one week before capping · Set hard app limits using built-in screen-time tools · Restrict social media to scheduled daily access windows + 7 more

Anticipate others’ reactions · Map the feedback loop · Social Comparison Online: What the Research Actually Shows + 7 more

Apply the experiential processes early, behavioral ones later · Install feedback loops to track behavior and adjust · Use reciprocal determinism to change behavior by changing environment or cognition first + 7 more

Connect sex with emotional safety, not just desire · Build secure-functioning habits · Choose and co-create secure relationships + 7 more

Feedback: extract the signal, ignore the noise · Affirm before receiving critical feedback · Establish shared purpose before delivering critique + 7 more

Survivorship Bias: Learning from What You Can’t See · Notice which data you selected — and which you ignored · Use "take the best": choose on your single most informative cue + 7 more

Affirm a core value before a high-stakes decision · Write about a value that matters to you · Use value-based self-affirmation before threatening evaluations + 7 more

Ask what the person already knows before offering your assessment · Affirm before receiving critical feedback · Write about a value that matters to you + 7 more

Ask what the person already knows before offering your assessment · Receive feedback with minimal defensiveness · Affirm before receiving critical feedback + 7 more

Self-awareness · Affirm a core value before a high-stakes decision · Use the 10-year view to check values alignment + 7 more

Protect the physiological basics · Build supportive connection · Fierce provision: identify and meet your own needs + 7 more

Self-compassion through the distancing lens · Apply self-compassion directly to shame · Fierce protection: say "no" from care, not fear + 7 more

Practice self-compassion · Self-compassion through the distancing lens · Cultivate Self through directed inner compassion + 7 more

Apply self-compassion directly to shame · Common Humanity, Made Practical · Invoke common humanity in a moment of shame + 7 more

Apply self-compassion when comparison creates self-criticism · Self-compassion through the distancing lens · Apply self-compassion directly to shame + 7 more

Apply self-compassion directly to shame · Common Humanity, Made Practical · Compassion-Focused Therapy: Calming the Inner Critic + 7 more

Track self-stability over time · Update the self-concept incrementally · Build self-knowledge from behavioral evidence + 7 more

Choose authentically — from your own values, not from expectation · Develop your own compass for decisions · Audit whether you are living your life or someone else’s + 7 more

Accumulate mastery experiences as confidence deposits · Attribute outcomes to effort and strategy · Use credible verbal persuasion to raise efficacy in the short term + 7 more

Self-forgiveness through the practice · Distinguish self-forgiveness from self-exoneration · Apply the razor to yourself + 7 more