Fill the worry box: imagine doing the opposite

Picture yourself doing the opposite of what you listed and write down the discomfort, worry or fear that comes up.

Pourquoi ça marche

If the behaviors you listed were simply bad habits, imagining their opposite would feel like relief. Kegan and Lahey ask you to imagine it and notice discomfort, worry or vague fear instead. That feeling is the first visible sign of what the behaviors protect against. Their 2009 book calls the place you record it the "worry box", and it is filled from feeling rather than reasoning, because the protection operates below argument.

Comment faire

1. Take one behavior from your list and vividly imagine doing the opposite — saying no, sending the email, handing the work over.
2. Ask: "Do I feel any discomfort, worry, or vague fear?" Stay with it long enough to name it.
3. Write it plainly: "I worry that…" Go for the most uncomfortable version, not the most reasonable one.
4. Repeat for two or three behaviors and look for a common thread.

Données probantes

The question comes from Kegan and Lahey’s 2001 HBR article, and Reams’s 2009 report describes the "worry box" step in the 2009 book and in his own use of it with a leadership team, noting that connecting with the feeling rather than solving the problem was what moved the group forward. In interviews with eight immunity-to-change coaches, Reams and Reams (2015) describe clients moving from being embedded in their patterns toward being able to step back from them. (anecdotal)

Qualitative and practitioner evidence only. Strong fears can surface here; if what comes up feels overwhelming, it is a sign to do this with a skilled coach or therapist rather than alone.

Sources

• Kegan, R., & Lahey, L. L. (2001). The Real Reason People Won’t Change. Harvard Business Review, 79(10), 84–92.
• Reams, J. (2009). Immunity to Change: A Report from the Field. Integral Review, 5(1).
• Reams, J., & Reams, J. (2015). Awareness based technologies for leadership development: Utilising Immunity to Change coaching. International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 13(2), 14–28.

Erreur fréquente

Writing reasonable concerns ("it would take more time") instead of the feeling. A worry box full of logistics will not lead to a hidden commitment.